You aren’t always aware of the narrative that circulates in your mind.
Even when the words you say to yourself are internally audible, you’re not likely paying real attention, because if you did you’d likely be disappointed about how not-so-nice you are to yourself.
And you are often not aware of the language you might use in conversation and how it sets the table for how you experience the world around you.
When you use these words in sentences to describe how you feel about something that might or might not happen in the future or to describe what is happening now, you make it so.
You create the outcome before the outcome has occurred.
One of my very favorite books, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, is an important read for just about anyone, and I highly recommend you read it if you never have.
The thrust of the book is to help the reader recognize how everything we know and understand has been driven by the social, cultural, and environmental influences of being human.
As he describes, the domestication of man/woman.
We believe what we believe because we’ve been told to believe it, or we’ve experienced it. And even when we have experienced it somehow believing it was what we experienced, we don’t recognize that so much of the experience has been defined by what society told us to expect or understand it to mean.
The four agreements are:
- Be impeccable with your word
- Don’t take anything personally
- Don’t assume anything
- Always do your best
When you really get down to living, and you live by these agreements, a lot of the complicated becomes far more simple.
The first agreement is the table set. Be impeccable with your words. Say what you mean. Use the words both in external interaction, and internal narrative that truly align with your intention.
But even more importantly, understand that the choice of words you use to describe something immediately colors your interpretation, and the interpretation of those with whom you speak.
Perhaps even more importantly, the tone and facial affect in external conversation can literally redefine the words and their intention.
When you say something like, “This is so hard”, and you accompany it with an emphatic tone and a facial expression of difficulty, you impart the weight of the intention to others, and even more important, you place an exclamation point on the essence of your description.
You make it hard.
Live with that for just a few seconds.
You make it hard.
It doesn’t mean there is no effort, or that you must not overcome, but saying it is so only serves to make it so.
When you realize that the language you use to describe circumstances, situations, or personal states to yourself or others establishes meaning, you begin to realize you can use language and words that set the table in a manner that empowers rather than limits you.
When someone asks you how it’s going, instead of responding, “Oh, busy!” Take a moment and simply say, “My life is full”.
Said with the right tone and expression and the person across from you experiences your sense of fulfillment.
What’s that you say, then I would be lying…….
If that’s true, that’s an even bigger discussion, one I have covered in previous posts in this blog. But if you are fulfilled and doing many things you love, labeling it “busy” only serves to position it as overwhelming rather than inspiring.
Inspire yourself and others through your language. Be impeccable with your words.
I hope what I write is valuable, if it is, please take the time to share it.