Why Have a Mentor?
My father and mother divorced when I was sixteen years old. I really didn’t get to have much of a relationship with my Dad, and in later years, when perhaps I could have, he lived 1000s of miles away.
My Dad passed in 2002.
Why do I tell you this?
Well, often one or both of our parents act in a manner of mentorship in our life. After the early years when they organize and construct our lives, they become sounding boards, or advisors in much of what we explore.
I didn’t have that in my life. But even if I did, most likely my father wouldn’t have known what to say to me in many situations I ran into in life, because he had no experience or perspective about much of what I was exploring.
My Dad was a diplomat, intelligent and well spoken, worldly and accomplished. But he didn’t know much about the world of human performance that I lived in through most of my life.
I was lucky in life, at a number of key moments in my life, there was someone who represented mentorship by my side. Each and every time, they provided me with the necessary support and direction to help me steward my career.
That being said, I never had a formal arrangement with anyone, and much of the advice or direction I got from my mentors was adhoc and sporadic. I always felt supported, but I am sure I missed much of what I could have explored just because I didn’t know any better.
All through my life I set goals, drove hard toward them, achieved them, and then looked toward the next one. I always had this feeling of emptiness after accomplishing things. I couldn’t figure out why, I just didn’t feel satisfied. My mentors were great at helping me achieve my goals, but no one ever asked me why I wanted them.
No one, especially myself. I knew what I wanted, but I never contemplated why I wanted it, or why it mattered to me. It was as though this was all what I was supposed to do. What life prescribed for me.
Until about ten years ago now when I engaged the support of a mentor. Someone who provided me with a construct on which to self-assess, and self-explore. A process of understanding how my mindset determined my choices, and how I could better understand my choices based on anchors I created for myself. How could I drive my own bus so to speak.
Formal mentorship arrangements are not a guarantee that you will find yourself making the right decisions every time, or avoiding every pitfall, but they do give you a better chance of navigating life with less of the drama.
More importantly, a good mentor will help you understand the hard you want to do, the hard you choose to do, and why you want to do it. When you know why, you’re more apt to step through the challenge, and when you complete the process, you will better own the outcomes.
One of the biggest gifts I received from a mentor was the understanding that I would never arrive. There was no finish line. Life is an iterative process, and owning the process of your internal growth is the ultimate voyage, not the destination.
Mentorship is not something we should seek in times of chaos and distress, it’s what we should align with before such times occur. We also don’t need to wait until we hit our mid-life crisis to recognize the value, we can begin to purposefully craft our lives from the moment we begin to take charge of our direction.
If you’re looking for formal mentorship, I start my next cohort of the LYM Life Lab on September 10th at 7 pm EST.
Send me a reply note if you want more information or book a call.