Mindset
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone where they never asked you a question or served the proverbial ball to you?
You know the situation, you open up with a “How are you, what’s going on in your life?” And they begin to tell you everything that is happening and has happened, somehow never returning the favor.
Or maybe they finally ask you how you are, and after you’ve responded with a few stories, they once again shift the direction of the conversation to themselves.
A good conversation is a dance. It’s two people with a bend on curiosity, listening, digesting, flowing, and understanding.
Yes, understanding!
Meaning, you get what the other person is sharing, and you ask questions to clarify, or interpret.
Then you volley, like a tennis match, you counterpoint or elaborate on an idea. You expose a need for more context or content. You are interested, and so are they!
Not every interaction can be a conversation. Sometimes there is a utility in the interaction, a need to achieve something, move through something, or negotiate.
I’m not talking about those kinds of conversations.
These are the moments you cultivate. You arrange a connection to share, catch up, or go deeper with someone you care about.
They’re meant to be an intricate dance. A flow of back and forth. An expansion and exploration.
Not verbal diarrhea!
Breath, pause, listen, understand, and be curious.
If you’re in a conversation, and you find yourself thinking about what you will be saying next, and how you will respond…….you’re not listening!!
Intentional listening requires you to hear what the other person says, and then find something interesting to expose or clarify.
When both people do this, the conversation becomes rich and powerful. It ebbs and flows.
You find yourself moving from subject matter to subject matter. One moment talking about a business project, then next discussing your kids or relationships, and then suddenly flowing in and out of current events.
Exploring your belief systems, your philosophies, and those of your counterpart. It’s a mutual desire to understand each other.
The deeper it gets the idea is not to proselytize or preach, it’s to debate and discuss.
Debate, OMG…..no one can debate anymore. No one wants to have a favorable disagreement.
Great conversations can be heated, and challenging. They can expose us to doubt and re-thinking.
But what a conversation isn’t, is an opportunity to tell someone else about your shit, and never ask a question or seem interested in the person across from you.
You should leave a conversation enriched, informed, and maybe in some cases changed.
Ask yourself this question the next time you’re out with a friend and having an evening of conversation. When you’re heading home, evening complete, ask yourself what you learned about your friend.
Ask yourself what you know now that you didn’t know then.
Trouble responding?
You just had a one-way interaction, not a conversation. You can do better than that…….right?
You’re richer for listening.
