Who Have We Become?

“Good moral character is the first essential in a man.”

– George Washington

To be accurate to the original quote, I chose not to change “men” to “human beings.” However, this truth should include everyone.

Far too many people are eroding this foundational property of the human spirit daily. It’s become fashionable to defame, deride, blame, accuse, and insult others.

It’s become too easy, maybe even too rewarding, to be negative, accusatory, or shout profanity. 

Character defamation is a sport now.

This is not exclusive to one side or another side of society, as some would wish us to believe.  The fabric of vulgarity and dishonesty flows like a golden thread through far too many—especially those in leadership of any sort.

We are far too quick to forget the lessons learned in times when humanity has reached a precipice of character.

Often, during a time like the Second World War, when evil reached a zenith, our history books portray the evil of the losers and the goodness of those who prevailed.

However, that is not the real truth.

There was evil everywhere.  There was no perfect side.  Most certainly, those who perpetrated such destruction, torture, and atrocity upon so many innocent souls have become figures in the representation of the worst of human nature, as they should.

But thread throughout this betrayal of human character were sub-stories of rape, torture, malfeasance, and abject evil that those who would one day be painted as the victor perpetrated upon those who would one day be declared the loser.

But the outcome, the sense of it, was that those who fought on the good side did so under the pretense that what they stood for was freedom and some fabric of moral character.

Being somehow better than those who represented the worst in us.  By winning, this belief was seemingly codified in our sociological fabric.

After the war, an almost perfect image of our mind’s belief of what would/should be good and right was painted into the cultural mosaic of the homes, furniture, cars, and lifestyles of the time. 

Television became the sociological representation of our perfect lives, creating perfect families and people. “Leave it to Beaver”, “The Andy Griffith Show”, “My Three Sons”……..everything was good, or so it seemed.

But so much perfection led to backlash and the sociological upheaval of the 60s.  We aren’t really that good, it’s just not possible to be that good.  But we like to believe we are better than the worst version of ourselves.

In the ’60s and ’70s, the tug of war between good and bad characters became more evident, Watergate shone a light on the temple of righteousness that had been politics to that point.  There is before Nixon and after Nixon, and these times are not the same.

Our attention was focused on the evil that would be communism and mother Russia (The Soviet Union at the time), there always has to be an enemy. Someone or something who’s character is worse than ourselves otherwise we have to look within, and that’s not what we do.

The other side is worse; they do bad better than us.  We do bad for a reason; they do it for something else. Our bad is a necessary evil; theirs is questionable at best.  This keeps us focused on what matters: our sense that we are better than, or more than.

Funny how as we ascend through Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, it is the rare character who reaches back and pulls others up.  More often than not, we reorient and distance ourselves.  We look down upon them as though they are not once us.  They are to be restrained or constrained.  They should not be in our environment.  We are better than them.

Television and movies portray us but also make us believe there is always a happy ending, or at least the fantasy of good and bad could be played out in stories rather than in our day to day.

Housed within our television diet was the media messaging, ever-shifting under our feet.  Slowly, insidiously these media networks became finger pointers, judgers, and drivers of our preferred narrative. If we had a bias, and we all have bias, then these networks and their ever-growing list of influencing figures began to support our beliefs.

Those who didn’t, well they became the left of the right, or the far right and the far left.  Anything they said was not worth listening to. It was all a lie. No truth to be found here.

Even then, we had no way to respond.  We were forced to listen and talk amongst ourselves. We weren’t the problem, those in the television box were the problem.

And then came social media and the smartphone and everything has changed. 

Now, those who have more can be shown to be less. Those who have less can influence their own.  The power balance has shifted.  In so doing, we’ve once again lost our way.

Now we see the character within all of us, the thing we try to suppress, but unfortunately exists in everyone.

People can say, without real retribution, what they are actually thinking.

I was talking to a friend the other day about a politician I thought was being maligned unfairly.  He had made mistakes, he did things I didn’t think made sense, but I believed that his heart was in the right place. I questioned why people were so easily prone to vitriol and disdain for him on social media.

My friend said to me, “I think it…..I just don’t say it. I agree with what those people say about him in my mind, I just don’t say it out loud.”

Wow……and there it was.  What we see today is a vehicle for expressing what is being said inside the minds of so many of us.

Perhaps this is why organized religion exists because we need a deity to tell us how to behave.  Something better than us to extol the virtues of what we should be instead of what we are.

And yet, once we organize our religious beliefs, there we go again: us versus them.  One is better than another; one viewpoint is so much more good than the others.

Oh, and then, as though our minds can’t handle the necessity to be good, those who lead our religious faith perpetrate upon the weakness of those who stand in community with them.  We don’t have to look too far to see what ungodliness has been imposed upon so many souls unwittingly disguised by those in the purest of white linen cloth.

So it’s not about the right or the left, or the in-between.  These are belief systems that free people have the right to explore and express, for that in and of itself is real freedom.

But the character part of the equation is our ability to hear each other’s views without judgment, to dance the delicate dance of compromise, and to find something that can work for all. Idyllic as it may be, this is the essence of character.

Stand for what you believe, but recognize this comes with the restraint of consideration of one’s fellow human being, not with their submission.

It’s a tough slog to create a civilized society, but the other option is anarchy and chaos as an outcome.

The central tenant of a civilized society, as the first president of the United States once said, is a human’s character.

This is what we need to find once again in a time where so much seems out of line.

Choose Love Not Fear

“You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.”  

– Jim Carrey

I recently listened to Jim Carrey’s commencement address at the Maharishi University of Management graduation ceremony. 

Not the one that is edited and reformatted for maximum drama on quick social feeds, but the one that lasts close to 30 minutes and takes the listener through a real journey of self-reflection and purpose. 

If you’ve never listened to Jim Carrey’s full commencement speech, it’s worth your time.

https://youtu.be/oPtftLhSnlY?si=2RKn-wwIevdryii3

Jim is a profound thinker, and his challenges with depression and mental health have been rather public at times.  But he’s not afraid of that, because it all contributes to this truth we all seek, the question of why we matter.  Why we are here…….

“The effect you have on others is the most valuable currency because everything you gain in life will rot and fall apart and all that will be left of you is what was in your heart.” JC

The speech is full of really valuable thoughts and stories. It is a tapestry of experiences that have revealed to Jim over time why he was meant to do what he has done.

After telling the story of how he watched his father make a choice not to follow his dreams, and toil and eventually fail doing what he disliked simply out of a sense of responsibility, he shared his wish for himself, the quote with which I began this post.

Afterward, he reveals an incredible piece of art, 20+ feet high and at least 10 feet wide with vibrant colors and an explosive light in the shape of a cross that cuts the images behind into various caricatures of the ego.

“Your Ego will not let you rest until you have left an indelible mark on the earth. Until you have achieved immortality. How tricky is this ego that tempts us with something we already possess?” JC

We are already enough, nothing we achieve or accumulate will make us more.

He points out that our ego misguides us, and takes us on paths intentionally just to avoid our truth, as though our truth will somehow disappoint. When in reality, it is everything we need.

“Relax and dream up and great life”, he says, egging on the graduating class to simply allow themselves to listen to their hearts and imagine the possibilities.

“As far as I can tell, it’s just about letting the universe know what you want, and working toward it, while letting go of how it comes to pass.” JC

We seek to control, especially what we can’t control.  Instead, we should simply control our effort and creativity, focusing them on the faith that something good will come of it.

“Hope walks through the fire, and faith leaps over it.” JC

Find what makes you sing inside and never stop singing that song. It’s what you are meant for……

“Choose love and don’t ever let fear turn you against your playful heart.” JC

Have faith…..

Stewarding Transformation

“Be the change you wish to see in the world”  

– Unknown

As a listener of the LYM podcast and a reader of this blog, you are, most likely, coaching, teaching, managing, or mentoring in some way or another.

Even if you are not, there’s a likelihood you will be sometime in the future. The natural progression of life is to chase and explore, to plant your flag of expertise, to make your mark, and then to begin to share and transcend.

It’s the natural evolution of life.

That being said, so many of us struggle with recognizing this transformation. You don’t see yourself changing or acknowledging it until you have some revelational experience.

Many struggle with imposter syndrome, feeling un-ready to share or reach higher because they don’t feel they deserve or are prepared for it.

The problem is that you most likely have never been taught to have a cyclical reflective practice that helps you acknowledge your growth.  You just keep working hard, doing more, and hoping one day you will arrive at some aha moment where everything reveals itself.

But that day never comes.

It never comes because you have no formal strategy for recognizing your change.  It just always feels like you are the same as you were.  Maybe you are doing more things, or capable of doing more, but you don’t feel it.  You don’t own it.

Or maybe you do, so you accept that promotion or take that new role, but then suddenly, you feel ill-prepared and start worrying if you can pull it off! 

To feel ready, to know you have it in you requires a strategy for recognizing change. A positive proof bucket.

Being the change you wish to see requires a recognition of the change you experience. If you take time each day, each week, each month, and each year to reflect practically on the things you have explored and experienced, taking stock, you will soon begin to “see” yourself change.

Big or small, record it all. Keep track of what you have done.  See your transformation in real-time. 

You will consciously steward your transformation.

If you are doing this, if you are deeply aware of your growth and evolution, then your responsibility is to support others in this endeavor.  To share your approach and to help steward the transformation of those around you.

Be the change you wish to see.

See the change you have achieved.

Guide the change others seek to explore.

Slow and Steady

“It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop” 

– Confucious

Another New Year begins and with it, all the expectation that comes with 365 days of potential.

It’s said that we often believe we can accomplish less than we should in the span of a year, and more than we should in just one week.

We place too much expectation on the day-to-day, and not enough on the aggregate of many days of work and effort. By doing so, we find ourselves disappointed in the momentary constraint, versus motivated by the over-reaching progress only time permits.

The solution is not found in setting goals, as much as goals can be valuable, and provide a target on which to place our focus.  Goals tend to objectify our process, but they also leave a great deal of space between the start and the finish.  Focused solely on goals, our day-to-day can often seem impossibly slow.

But slow is faster than it appears. 

Slow is the essence of progress, and progress can be challenging to touch. Real progress is in incremental change, not radical change. Radical change is obvious to the eye of the beholder, but it always comes at a cost of confusion and chaos. 

But slow change isn’t inspiring, it doesn’t come with fireworks it doesn’t shock the system. So, for us to embrace change slowly over time, we need some way to sense that it’s happening. We need a way to feel it, recognize it, and believe it has happened.

That’s why regular self-reflection is imperative.  Minding the gap is essential.  The turtle finds just as much satisfaction in realizing it is just crossing the yellow line on the road as it does when it touches the gravel of the opposite side.

Through looking back at where we’ve come from, we realize just how much progress has been made.  We see the progress reveal itself through the progress exposed by reflection.

We can celebrate this incremental change, rather than admonish our current set of circumstances.  Be in the moment, but use the past to inform yourself of your growth, and the future to imagine the possibilities.

This is the art of the self-reflective practice.  It clarifies your evolution.

And evolution is our purpose while we remain earthbound, however slow it might seem.

Keep the faith.