These days, perhaps just because there is so much more news telling us so, we seem to experience tragedy almost daily. We’ve lost our sensitivity, we have become somewhat numb.

Tragedy has become the grey noise in the background, things that fill the editorial content calendars of all the 24-hour news desks around the globe; tsunamis, earthquakes, school shootings, wars, mass casualty events of every sort.

It’s someone else’s problem.  But it isn’t really, if you are involved.

What does that mean, involved?

Does it mean that you know someone, you are related to someone, you knew them once, you’ve met them, or maybe you’ve just heard of them? 

Maybe there’s a kinship of experience, something you’ve done, just like the person who’s been lost or injured.

If you are a member of a community, connected to other human beings with whom you share a common bond, you are involved.

We are all individuals, we seek our basis for differentiation. Clothes, accessories, material goods, jobs, tattoos, friends, homes, cars, and so much more, these are the symbols of status, but also the symbols of definition.

Who am I or who am I not?

To be the same is somehow to be branded insignificant, so in our quest to be significant, we accumulate and connect with material items and statements of individuality.

But material goods fade, and in turn require renewed emphasis on the next item of business, a never-ending quest.

However, when we realize that our personal growth is connected directly to the empowerment of contribution, especially contribution to our community, that’s where things get interesting.

This is where philanthropists of certain ilk get it wrong.

A person who espouses to be giving away so much wealth in order to help the underprivileged is often left empty and filling the void with still more donations.

Ultimately the truth of a philanthropic life is giving back to the community with whom you are connected selflessly. 

This connection can start in some instances early in life, but even when it doesn’t, establishing a path of contribution and an alignment with real human connection is the ticket to real fulfillment as one matures through life.

The unfettered love of community is the anchor in our lives, at least for those of us fortunate to have a community around us.

Much of this is the centre point of the success of Facebook, where anyone who wants can create a community of connection, or can create an on-line product or service and market, promote, and even deliver it on-line to a community.

Facebook provides the soil for community when used well. However, along with much of social media, FB has also created the side effect of isolation.

We are alone in our community instead of truly connected to it. We now live in virtual communities where there is emotional and intellectual connection, but what seems to be missing is the true mutual suffering of failure, and joy of success that used to occur in physical communities.

Physical community is the real deal. When people suffer and succeed together, build and create together, support one another, and take turns doing so, a bond is forged that is empowering. It empowers each individual to reach higher, or to overcome adversities that alone may seem impossible.

That is the power of real community.

The downside of community is our attachment to it, our fear of being different, separated, or ostracized from it.  And unfortunately, social media communities have made this all too easy to make happen.  One damaging post, statement, or image can result in the true dissolution of someone’s connection to their community.

This has been the unfortunate side-effect forced upon our children who are even more influenced by the attachment to their social community before they have suffered the slings and arrows of adulthood.

Adults are not immune, quite a lot of the mental illness we see today leading to mass shootings or terror events can be traced back to the person’s disenfranchisement from society at large.  Alone, lost, and disempowered, one seeks to find some significance in the trauma of their own end.

Even still, when such tragedy occurs, the communities with deep roots of connection are the ones that somehow find the silver lining of “one for all” that doesn’t replace the lost and injured, but consoles the pain and suffering of the moment, and the moments to come.

We are better when we are a member of a community, individual in our character and aspirations, but aligned on our concerns and connection.

Finding and forging your connection to community is an essential part of life, and the more you allow yourself to commit to the messiness of social connection, the more you will thrive in life and love.

Your life is a beautiful opportunity to be whatever you want to be.

 Unfortunately, there will be times when it doesn’t feel like that, people will tell you that you can’t, or you won’t, or it’s not the right time.

The world will seem to conspire to stop you or hold you back.

But, realize now instead of when you are way older, that what others tell you isn’t important, it’s what you tell yourself.

If you want to do something, be something, or try something, it’s your prerogative, your opportunity, and your making.

You get to tell your story, no one else.

There will be times when it’s hard, sometimes even really hard, but that’s the beauty of life. 

Doing hard things shapes you and makes you stronger.

Don’t be afraid of doing hard things. 

But doing hard things you love, because you’ve chosen to do them, that’s what life is really all about.

As you grow and learn about yourself, realize the things that make you smile and sing inside, these are the things, even when they are hard and difficult to achieve, that you will overcome.

In the end, life is all about growth. Becoming a better version of you.  

Nothing is more satisfying than hearing the inner voices that inspire your creativity, quieting the ones that tell you not to do it, and taking the leap of faith that all will become clear.

Always believe in you. I know that I do.

Best,

Dad

Have you heard this line before, “Don’t worry about what other people think, it’s none of your business anyway”?

There’s most certainly a great deal of truth in this statement, but I do think there is an aspect of the statement worth  a deeper discussion and consideration.

I don’t believe anyone should “worry” or ruminate on what others think of them.  Worry is a poor use of your imagination.

I love the acronym that my friend, Tony Blauer (a world renown self-defense expert) has coined for FEAR – False Expectations Appearing Real.  Worry is the overt expression of our brains fixation with false expectations and predicted outcomes.

Unfortunately, our brains are wired to predict, our very neuro-physiology sets it up like this because our brains number one job is to keep us alive.  

So predication is a first principle of our brain, it needs to assess every situation and compare it to what it knows, has experienced, or believes, to assess whether something that is about to happen, or could happen might result in our demise.

But let’s face it, not much of what might happen to us is really life threatening! 

Unfortunately the imposition of stress, our state of mind, our energy levels, our lack of sleep, and the daily pressures of life change the neurochemical profile of our brain, and so some things that aren’t really life threatening get treated as though they are, and worrying is an output expression of this state of being.

So the more we recognize that we are worrying, the more we become aware of it, the more we can dispense with it, reframe our focus, and recognize how we are giving into false expectation.

This is particularly true of our worry of what others think.  Most of the time, we are worrying about something that isn’t even happening.  

How often do you actually think about what others are doing, focus on their behaviours, choices, or decisions?  Not much right?  Maybe a barstool conversation, or  a corner of the room discussion, but really, how much time do you devote to the everyday activities of your friends or colleagues?

Even when it does become a discussion point, how long does it really occupy your time?  Your ego is fooling you into believing what other people think matters.  What you are doing doesn’t matter to others, and the truth is, it really isn’t being noticed.  They have bigger fish to fry, and so do you.

So where I diverge somewhat with this idea is that although we should not “worry” about what others think of us, we should “care” about how what we are doing or saying is being interpreted.

We should care when what others think of us isn’t what we intend to express.  If our intentions are being misunderstood, then we need to consider how we are expressing ourselves.

We shouldn’t worry, we shouldn’t become fixated on what others think, but if we are being misinterpreted, misunderstood, or mistaken, we need to recognize that what we are putting out in the world isn’t what we intend.

After all, we don’t want our intentions to be misconstrued or misunderstood.  We would like people to see us for who we are and who we wish to represent.

An interesting task to do for yourself is the “Unique Abilities Audit”.  I stole this from John Berardi’s book “Change Maker”.  It’s an excellent self-examination task, and how you use it to compare your findings to those of people who count in your circle of influence is the key to its success.

Try answering all the questions below to the best of your ability. Then send the revised versions in the second thread to 5-7 people you trust in your circle of influence who you believe will give you honest answers.

Let them know you are trying to get better and grow and that you would appreciate their candid response.

1 – What are my unique abilities? What do I feel sets me apart?

2 – What makes me get up in the morning, and get excited?

3 – What do people count on me for?

4 – What do I think is my “blind spot” , something I don’t always recognize that holds me back?

5 – What are the things I am most passionate about?

6 – What have been my greatest accomplishments so far?

7 – Who do I admire? Why? What can I learn from their example?

Questions to be sent to your circle of influence:

1 – What do you see as my unique abilities? What do you feel sets me apart?

2 – What do you think I am passionate about?

3 – What do you count on me for?

4 – What do you see as “my way” of doing things?

5 – What if anything, impresses you about me, or leaves an impression upon you?

6 – What do you think is my “blind spot” , something I don’t always recognize that holds me back?

It’s important to canvas people who matter to you, they’ve been with you through thick and thin, they can be honest with you, and they’ve seen enough of you to give you real perspective.  Try to ask a mix of people from friends, family, colleagues, or teammates so you get a solid composition of input.

When you’ve completed this task, and you’ve received your responses, where you want to recognize you should care about what others think is when people don’t see you as you see yourself, or a majority of the feedback provides an insight on a trait or behaviour you express that you have not intended to express.

What is important is that you are understood as you would wish to be understood.  If the prevailing view is that you are not as you would wish to be, then it’s time to do some introspection and internal work.

Our objective is not to be what others expect us to be, our objective is to be who we expect ourselves to be.  Are we living authentically, and is this being interpreted as we would wish?

This is your question worth asking.

What does it mean to be the GOAT.

The greatest of all time.

How many of those really exist and what can we learn from them?

Names like Jack Nicklaus, Micheal Jordan, Derek Jetter, Tiger Woods, Pele, Mohamed Ali, Louis Hamilton, Tom Brady, Bill Russell, Diego Maradona, Marcel Hirscher, Martina Navratilova, Jonah Lomu, Michael Schumacher, Hank Aaron, Wayne Gretzky, Roger Federer, Lionel Messi, Richie McCaw, Ingemar Stenmark, Lindsey Vonn, Serena Williams, Novak Djokovic, all household names from the annals of sports history.

I am sure you have names in your head I have not mentioned, there are many, many greats over the course of all sports history, and I’ve been intentionally biased to the history I have experienced. 

There are names I do not know who have impressed in other parts of the globe, those who have left their mark on more then just their fans.

But even if we were to compile a list, the list would really not be that large, considering how many people have competed in sports over the years, and how many even do it more recreationally.

Being the very best, being the GOAT, well that’s a place reserved for a very special few.

Why am I writing about this subject you might be asking?

I’ve been blessed to experience the ascent of a GOAT. 

I’ve watched one grow from a young athlete of 17 years old, into a legend at 30.  The scary thing is how much more time he actually has in front of him when he has already ascended to the status of GOAT at just 30 years old?!

Mikael Kingsbury is the winningest Mogul skier in history. 

He just won his 87th World Cup Moguls race breaking the record held by Ingemar Stenmark (Alpine Skier) for winningest Male skier in history.  Only another GOAT, Mikaela Shiffrin has more Gold Medal podiums at 95!

To put that in perspective, the next closest Mogul skier in WC victories doesn’t even have half that number!!

So what have I learned watching a GOAT acend his mountain?

I can’t speak for every one of those listed above, or for those I have not listed, but here are the things I believe to be intrinsic to the nature of such beasts.

Passion

I don’t think you get to the top of anything unless it is your passionate pursuit.  Some might say obsessive, but I actually believe obsession is the negative expression of passion.  Passion is ALL-IN, but it’s all-in with a recognition that you are not alone, you need others to succeed, and you can’t ignore them or disrespect them in your pursuit of success.

I don’t know that all those listed above were able to live simply with passion and not obsession, but I do know the ones who discovered the difference along the way built exceptional lives in retirement from sport.  Those who did not often struggled to make that transition.

Consistency

You just won’t get there if you operate in fits and starts.  There is a monotony to greatness, a “do it just because” attitude mixed with a “gotta be connected” drive. Every day there is some connection to the things that need to be done to get better, and you just do them despite how mundane some of those things might be.

1% Better

After consistency rests the target of that consistency, always reaching a little higher. Always recognizing that you can be better tomorrow than you were today. You might not always be better, but you believe it matters.  You recognize that when you’re sitting still others are catching up. You always do your best, even if your best is 80% of what is actually possible.  You do the best you have now.

Commitment

There’s a reason for everything you do and everything has a reason.  You know it, you accept it, and you are resolved to doing it.  The question marks are left for right or left turns, not U-turns.  You keep pressing forward, even when it seems that you might have slipped backward.

Joy

This is the sticky stuff, the magic of the GOAT.  The real GOAT is participating with joy, even if this is not overtly expressed, it’s the feeling in their heart that is simply filled by being in it. You see it in their face, even in the hardest of times.  They are filled with the joy of playing and competing.

Inspiration

The real GOAT, even if they participate in individual sports, pull others up, make others rise. They inspire all those around them to be their very best, Nicklaus had Watson, Ali had Frazier, Gretzky had Limeux, Russell had Chamberlin, and others in that list simply inspired whole teams and  leagues around them.

Professionalism

The real GOATs carry themselves with a character of professional decorum, they treat those around them with respect, they do their best to show up even when they don’t feel their best.  They are by no means perfect, but they do understand what they represent, how they represent, and how they inspire, especially those who one day wish to be like Mike.

This is what I have witnessed in the ascension of one young Mikael Kingsbury to the status of GOAT.

Should you wish to be your very best, these traits will serve you well, for they are universally shared within and aside from sport.

Get after your inner GOAT.