“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” Mark Twain

What is the truth today?

I’m not sure anymore.  I most certainly can’t believe much I hear on most forms of media.

At the foundation is the need to create an impression with anything that is said, for if there is no reaction within you, you won’t care enough to keep listening.

Every big storm is like the biggest storm to ever hit the coast.  Every fire, the worst we’ve seen.  And yet, that said, the destruction is unbelievable, but because it’s been hyped over and over again, I’ve become numb.

Salacious sells.

The ludicrous is celebrated.

The lie told again and again becomes the truth we come to believe.

The best pizza in the world, the best coffee in the world, the world champions, the biggest ever seen?!

Really?! We know this without a doubt, do we?

My favorite statement is, “It’s the first time since 2022 that this has happened…….”

Then it’s not the first time. But it sounds important. Rare, near impossible, but suddenly possible.

I guess it’s always been this way. We like to be entertained by something we perceive is unbelievable and yet happening. The truth is boring.  The truth is rare.

How about this one, the murder rate has skyrocketed in the last year, a 100% increase!  Do they tell you last year there was one homicide, and this year two? Nope, that’s the truth, and it’s BORING!

We get what we ask for in the end.  

We react and respond to things that seem to be just a little or a lot out of the ordinary.  We think that something new and different is more meaningful. So when it isn’t really out of the ordinary, those who wish for us to pay attention paint it to be so.

Ever seen the reporter leaning into the wind like it’s 120 miles an hour, and then some people walk by in the background like it’s just a regular day?  Oh yes, they do exaggerate the weather.

The unfortunate side effect is the same old story. It’s the story of the boy who cried wolf. We get tired of hearing how unbelievable everything is and then we begin not believing anything.  Only when it does turn out to be the truth, it hurts so bad.

Lulled into a false sense of security, or worse, whipped into fear and frenzy, we can no longer think rationally.

Then they’ve got us.  We are all ears because we crave truth, and the ones who can make us believe become the all-powerful.

It’s a recipe played over and over again through the annals of history, only now, technology makes it nearly impossible to differentiate.  

Maybe quite soon it will be impossible.

Then what?

I wish I knew.

What on earth has happened to us?

I try to avoid doom scrolling, but every so often when bored or waiting in line, I’ll scroll through social channels and the infamous X (formerly Twittershpere) and find myself completely overwhelmed by who we’ve become.

First of all, everyone has an opinion, but so few know what they are talking about?!

With the emphatic delivery of someone who has all the information, people chime in on everything from the economy, the attempted assassinations, to the latest world news occurrence, or another school shooting.

I am dumbfounded by how many people feel they know exactly what happened, and as such, feel empowered to tell everyone else, and worse hurle at anyone who might disagree, some derogatory commentary.

Derogatory is a nice word for some of the vitriol that gets spewed out at other people in the same thread of so-called conversation.

To call it a conversation is to do it an injustice as there is no conversing, just virtual screaming.

The word conspiracy has become a “thing”. No longer reserved for the unexplainable, or that which we find truly head-scratching.  Conspiracy has become the norm.  It’s what people expect. It’s what they believe is the reality.

That’s scary!!

Is there corruption? 

You bet there is, how can there not be with such a loss of our moral compass?  

But at the same time, for us to begin to believe there is no truth in that which we find controversial, or against our own desired approach creates a fracture in the foundation of society.

There is no society without law, order, and truth.  If we can’t believe in anything, there is no anchor, no safe haven.

Then we see what people are doing to create and keep power.  It’s always been there, but now it just seems incredibly pervasive.

Humanities pull toward organized religion thousands of years ago was to counter point this insane human character flaw. Our propensity to fall.  To slowly slip towards the animal inside us, instead of the human we aspire to rise toward.

But, organized religion has often failed us.  Within it finds another approach to power and control, and eventually the best of what it represents can be tarnished by the worst of who we are.

Our moral compass is not a given.  It’s something we must gravitate toward, check ourselves on, and hold ourselves accountable.

It’s not a given.

“Success is when our behaviors match our values.”  Integrity.

Let’s all get back to the business of holding ourselves accountable.

Resist becoming a part of the narrative, seek to be someone with moral character that inspires.

“Change is inevitable, growth is optional.”  John C. Maxwell

This was the quote on the T-shirts we gave the participants of our recent MpwrU Retreat.  MpwrU is a life mentorship group that my wife and I steward. We’ve been doing it for over five years now, and this was our second go-round with a retreat for the group.

One of the key things we teach in the program is the idea of reflection, recognition, and re-iteration.

Everyone’s life is about navigating change, sometimes slight, and sometimes dramatic, as change is a constant.  One could even argue that without change management, there is an entropic nature to change. A slow downward slope.

Leave a home unattended and return 20 years later.  You won’t be able to see the house because of the vegetation around it, and the house will be in disrepair even though nothing has been used or abused by those not living in  it.

That’s nature.

How do we prevent our home from deteriorating like that over time?  We maintain it.  Sometimes we re-new it or revise it.

We look at what is wearing out, we recognize the deterioration, and we replace, repair, renovate and renew.

But this is not as much a process we learn or effect upon ourselves, at least not as practically.  

We tend to over-use our bodies and our minds, pushing them to manage the stress and load of our every day agenda’s, or we simply ignore them altogether,  hoping they will respond when needed.

Feeling overweight, then go on a radical diet and begin a training regime and expect the system to respond!

Feeling lonely, get a dog and pay no mind to the overwhelming time and budget demand associated with taking care of an animal.

Time is ticking on the clock of life, it’s time to have kids, but what it costs in time and effort is mostly an afterthought.  We’ll make it work.

Move halfway across the world to take a new job, family in tow, we’ll figure it out when we get there!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we shouldn’t have a fitness and health plan, enjoy pets, or children, or go for the new job.  I’m just saying we should learn to walk through a process of reflection, recognition, and revision that leads us to our new iteration intentionally.

Let’s take stock of where we are now, what the change we wish to create might look like, assess our preparation and capacity, talk with those that matter, and then make a decision based on who we wish to be, not what we wish to have.

Do we wish to be healthier – what’s it going to take?

Do we want to have a pet – is it feasible?

Do we want to be a parent – what will it mean to be ALL-IN?

Do we want this new job/promotion – How will it make us better and why is that important?

Life is an iterative process.  You want to own it, not react to it.

Will there be times when you need to react? Absolutely, plenty!  But the more you create intentional processes for growth, the less of the growth will occur as a response, more will be created with your blessing.

“Change is inevitable, growth is optional.” John C. Maxwell

Steward your change.

What are your core values?

What does that question even mean really?

I’m not sure most people take the time to answer that question for themselves, perhaps until they are confronted with it in a business exercise or life coaching session.

It’s the background noise that informs how you feel when things don’t feel right.  When you feel a sense of dissonance with others, or with your environment, it’s usually because something you value is being ignored or disrespected.

I was introduced to a definition of success by a friend, “Success is when your behaviors match your values”.

Do you deport yourself based on your core values?

I think part of the attraction to organized religion is that most of the religions over the history of humanity start with a moral and spiritual code of conduct. A character compass if you will.

The essence of religion is your accountability to something higher than you, something that reminds you of who you are, how you should carry yourself, how you should treat others, and what is considered reprehensible action or inaction.

But religion doesn’t necessarily ask you to evaluate your alignment with the values espoused within. Instead, most religions impart an expectation to align with the doctrine.

So how do we know what is most important to us, and how do we hold ourselves accountable to it?

One way to do it is to make a list of common values.  Can’t think of any? The internet can give you a list with just a few clicks.

Take that list and ask yourself as you review it. Which ones resonate with you?  

Build a list of 20-30 values that have meaning for you.

Then be ruthless about stripping it down to your most important ten.  Those are the ones that cause havoc in you when they are not being respected, or there is misalignment with your environment or relationships.

The legendary coach of the Golden State Warriors, Steve Kerr reflected on advice given to him by Coach Pete Carroll of the Seattle Seahawks, himself a legend of college and professional football. 

Steve admired the way Pete coached and how he established a team culture. Steve asked Pete some of his secrets for creating team culture.  Pete told him that to create team culture he needed to pick 10 values that are important to him, and then narrow it down to his core 4 values. 

Kerr settled on; Joy, Mindfulness, Compassion, and Competition.

When you define these words in action, you need to explore what they are and what they mean, and constantly revise and refine the actions that align with the words.  What does it mean to be joyful?  How does it look, feel, and exhibit itself?

What does mindfulness mean?

In the Netflix series “Last Dance” in one of the last episodes a sports psychologist remarked that what separated Michael Jordan from his peers was not his skills or on-court play, although incredible just the same. What separated him from all the rest was his presence.  He was playing basketball, he was competing, he was on the court, in the game, all the time.

This is the essence of mindfulness.  Being present and connected to one’s self, living in the moment undistracted by what has been or what will be.

How do you evaluate it in a team setting? Not easy, but recognizing when you are your teammates are not present and bringing them back to the task at hand is a big part of it.  Holding yourself accountable and your teammates, this is how culture begins to thrive.

I think the idea of joy, mindfulness, compassion and competition invoke both a sensitivity to our fellow man and teammates, but also the essence of it all is to be competitive which infers a state of excellence.

Team success, if we take the definition of success I shared earlier as a reference point, is the ability of the collective to behave in alignment with these core values.  Success is not the wins or losses, but the organizational alignment with core values. The expectation is that if one remains aligned with such values, the outcome should take care of itself.

The Golden State Warriors have had their share of winning seasons, and championships, but they’ve also failed several times during Steve Kerr’s tenure.  Winning year after year is a near impossible thing, there are just too many factors that are out of one’s control to guarantee winning a championship each year.

What Steve can control is the environment he, his staff, and the team co-create to set the table for the possibility of winning.  Success is when your behaviors align with your values. 

I think this is something that is missing more and more in society today.  

People, especially our leaders, standing up for what you believe in, treating others the way you would wish to be treated, doing what you say you will do, and calling yourself out when you don’t.

Do the exercise of identifying what truly matters to you, and then reflect on how that should look in terms of your behavior and action.

Then take the time to evaluate yourself from time to time, and call yourself out when you don’t meet your mark.

If we all did this a little more, instead of pointing fingers at everyone else, we would all be a lot better off.

I was thinking about the idea of a license to practice a profession.

The essence of this concept is that a body representative of a profession has taken the time and effort to create standards of knowledge and ability required to practice.

Why do this?

Usually, it’s because we want the public for whom these professionals supply their services to know they can expect those who are licensed to be able to supply an adequate, consistent,  and in some instances, safe service.

Usually licensed professionals also carry forms of liability insurance such that if they make a mistake, the client or customer may have proper recourse.

The general public, for whom these professional services exist, wishes to know what the licensed professional is capable of, and allowed to perform.

You shouldn’t be cutting out a tumor on someone’s kidney if you don’t have a license to practice medicine. What if you cut out the kidney instead?

You shouldn’t be representing someone in a court of law if you don’t have a license to practice law. What if you forgot to prepare your pleading documents for the court?

We probably don’t want the Captain of the plane we are on to be less than licensed to fly!

But one of the downsides to the concept of a license to practice, is it also sometimes becomes a status symbol.  More than a license to practice, it becomes a license to look down upon others or to stand taller than most.

And it often constrains our ability to see beyond our scope, to find an alternative path or solution.

A license shouldn’t define you.  It shouldn’t constrain you. What it should do is augment you.

What I mean by this is that a license to practice often defines those of us who choose this path, rather than simply providing you with the ability to use this special tool.  

The more tools you accumulate, licensed or not, the more you become capable of exploring different paths toward solutions.

If you’re a doctor and you’ve explored other paths in nutrition and exercise, you can see other possibilities for your patients.

If you’re a physiotherapist who’s explored psychology, you can see the solution for your client’s pain might have more to do with how you help them define their solution than with the techniques you use.

If you’ve explored neuroscience as a performance coach, you might see where optimizing the neurological system might create better outcomes than adding more load to the bar.

I interviewed David Epstein on the LYM podcast several years ago and the through line of his book “Range” explores the value of being a generalist versus a specialist.  He has explored multiple professional domains and it informs his writing and exploration of subject matter.

“Breadth of training predicts breadth of transfer. That is, the more contexts in which something is learned, the more the learner creates abstract models, and the less they rely on any particular example. Learners become better at applying their knowledge to a situation they’ve never seen before, which is the essence of creativity.”

― David Epstein, Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World

What I’m trying to say is the license opens a door, but how you explore the room beyond the door is what counts. Don’t make your license your constraint, allow it to be a springboard to exploration.

Instead of the license defining how you deliver your craft, and the expectations of your client, make the license serve a greater purpose.  It allows you to explore your range knowing you have a central anchor of capacity you can lean on in darker times.

The letters and certificates on the wall mean nothing to the person you serve, what means something is how you serve them and how you help them solve their problems.  Build your reputation and character on the foundation of your ability to be resourceful and prepared for anything.

Exploring your range is the essence of the journey of life.

The essence of the Labor Day holiday in North America is the effective celebration of our devotion to work, and the acknowledgment that after work comes rest.

When you delve into the history, the holiday began in the late 1800s with a push from the working class to honor their effort to create the foundation of society, a shout-out to the blue-collar.

Over time, it has grown to mean the end of summer, and the beginning of the school year, for most a chance to regroup before the fall/winter is upon us.

The holiday has blended into all the other holidays on the map, a chance for some to reap the benefits and respite of a three-day weekend.

For others, the unfortunate reality is that the holiday is likely a blip on the radar screen of the grind.

Throughout the last few years, I’ve noticed more and more as I spend time in the back of taxis and now UBERs on my occasional trips to teach or consult, that more and more of the drivers of these vehicles do it not as a main thing, but mainly as a third or fourth thing!

Side hustle, plus, plus!

Just in the time that I have been on this earth, we’ve gone from one-salary families to two-salary families, and now multi-salary/sources families.  When does it stop?

Governments get blamed for policy decisions, the rich get blamed for establishing capitalistic bullseyes like the stock exchange and consumerism.

But the truth lies somewhere in our guts and our minds.  Our need to succeed, defined by a greater force that has existed for millennia, that accumulation and wealth are the objective measures of success.

What house we have, what title we have, what car we drive, what phone we carry, what computer we use, what clothes we wear, what restaurants we eat at…….it goes on and on.

There’s always another level, there’s always something more or better.

We find ourselves running faster and faster on a treadmill that has no limit.

Just think back to the 2008 economic implosion, the Dow was under 12,000 points, 20,000 seemed like the Mount Everest of market possibilities, and yet here we are 16 years later and we’re over 40,000 points!

I was talking to some friends who work in the pharmaceutical industry. The common theme is being salaried to do one job, but effectively managing the workload of two!

In a business world where the profit is incredible, and the supposed modus operandi is better human health (NOT!). I was kind of shocked that the corporate end game was not better working standards or care for the health and wellbeing of the employees, but rather how can we squeeze more juice out of the lemon?

But we don’t realize that we self-determine this reality.  We expect our end-of-year returns on our investments, we want the next level of the ladder, and we aspire to the grass is greener effect.

Our inability to be in the present and to be grateful for that which we have rather than pining for what we have not is the ultimate driver of this phenomenon.  

We can blame it on the big bad world outside, but we are the drivers, not the backseat passengers.

Think about it. Catch yourself the next time you are sitting on a park bench, back deck, or patio, chilling.  

Do you see the color of the sky? Do you hear the birds chirping? Do you feel the wind blow past your cheek?  Do you sense the temperature, the sun upon your face?

Or do you look down at your phone, and check the messages of variable sort?

The next time you are out with a good friend or relative, and you are chatting at the table, catching up.  

Do you hear what they are saying? Do you see what they are feeling on their face?  Do you listen to their thoughts, or do you listen to your own?

Worse, do you find yourself picking up your phone and scanning for nothing?  But it’s something important, right?

Maybe I’m preaching to the choir and you’ve got it sorted out. You are likely one of the few. And if that’s the case, I apologize for the sermon.

For most these days though, it’s become our nature, our need.  We’re obsessed with what we don’t have.

On this occasion of contemplation called Labor Day, take a moment to contemplate rest, what it feels like, what it means, and why it should mean more.

If you struggle with this, or the balance of life, I begin my next cohort of the LYM Life Lab in mid-September, have a look here and consider joining me on this journey called life! 

Registration closes September 6th.

My father and mother divorced when I was sixteen years old.  I really didn’t get to have much of a relationship with my Dad, and in later years, when perhaps I could have, he lived 1000s of miles away.

My Dad passed in 2002.

Why do I tell you this?  

Well, often one or both of our parents act in a manner of mentorship in our life. After the early years when they organize and construct our lives, they become sounding boards, or advisors in much of what we explore.

I didn’t have that in my life. But even if I did, most likely my father wouldn’t have known what to say to me in many situations I ran into in life, because he had no experience or perspective about much of what I was exploring.

My Dad was a diplomat, intelligent and well spoken, worldly and accomplished. But he didn’t know much about the world of human performance that I lived in through most of my life.

I was lucky in life, at a number of key moments in my life, there was someone who represented mentorship by my side.  Each and every time, they provided me with the necessary support and direction to help me steward my career.

That being said, I never had a formal arrangement with anyone, and much of the advice or direction I got from my mentors was adhoc and sporadic.  I always felt supported, but I am sure I missed much of what I could have explored just because I didn’t know any better.

All through my life I set goals, drove hard toward them, achieved them, and then looked toward the next one.  I always had this feeling of emptiness after accomplishing things. I couldn’t figure out why, I just didn’t feel satisfied.  My mentors were great at helping me achieve my goals, but no one ever asked me why I wanted them.

No one, especially myself.  I knew what I wanted, but I never contemplated why I wanted it, or why it mattered to me.  It was as though this was all what I was supposed to do.  What life prescribed for me.

Until about ten years ago now when I engaged the support of a mentor.  Someone who provided me with a construct on which to self-assess, and self-explore.  A process of understanding how my mindset determined my choices, and how I could better understand my choices based on anchors I created for myself.  How could I drive my own bus so to speak.

Formal mentorship arrangements are not a guarantee that you will find yourself making the right decisions every time, or avoiding every pitfall, but they do give you a better chance of navigating life with less of the drama.

More importantly, a good mentor will help you understand the hard you want to do, the hard you choose to do, and why you want to do it.  When you know why, you’re more apt to step through the challenge, and when you complete the process, you will better own the outcomes.

One of the biggest gifts I received from a mentor was the understanding that I would never arrive. There was no finish line.  Life is an iterative process, and owning the process of your internal growth is the ultimate voyage, not the destination.

Mentorship is not something we should seek in times of chaos and distress, it’s what we should align with before such times occur.  We also don’t need to wait until we hit our mid-life crisis to recognize the value, we can begin to purposefully craft our lives from the moment we begin to take charge of our direction.

If you’re looking for formal mentorship, I start my next cohort of the LYM Life Lab on September 10th at 7 pm EST.  

Send me a reply note if you want more information or book a call.

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone where they never asked you a question or served the proverbial ball to you?

You know the situation, you open up with a “How are you, what’s going on in your life?”  And they begin to tell you everything that is happening and has happened, somehow never returning the favor.

Or maybe they finally ask you how you are, and after you’ve responded with a few stories, they once again shift the direction of the conversation to themselves.

A good conversation is a dance.  It’s two people with a bend on curiosity, listening, digesting, flowing, and understanding.

Yes, understanding!  

Meaning, you get what the other person is sharing, and you ask questions to clarify, or interpret.

Then you volley, like a tennis match, you counterpoint or elaborate on an idea. You expose a need for more context or content.  You are interested, and so are they!

Not every interaction can be a conversation. Sometimes there is a utility in the interaction, a need to achieve something, move through something, or negotiate.

I’m not talking about those kinds of conversations.

These are the moments you cultivate. You arrange a connection to share, catch up, or go deeper with someone you care about.

They’re meant to be an intricate dance. A flow of back and forth.  An expansion and exploration.

Not verbal diarrhea!

Breath, pause, listen, understand, and be curious.

If you’re in a conversation, and you find yourself thinking about what you will be saying next, and how you will respond…….you’re not listening!!

Intentional listening requires you to hear what the other person says, and then find something interesting to expose or clarify.

When both people do this, the conversation becomes rich and powerful.  It ebbs and flows.

You find yourself moving from subject matter to subject matter. One moment talking about a business project, then next discussing your kids or relationships, and then suddenly flowing in and out of current events.

Exploring your belief systems, your philosophies, and those of your counterpart.  It’s a mutual desire to understand each other.

The deeper it gets the idea is not to proselytize or preach, it’s to debate and discuss.

Debate, OMG…..no one can debate anymore. No one wants to have a favorable disagreement.

Great conversations can be heated, and challenging. They can expose us to doubt and re-thinking.

But what a conversation isn’t, is an opportunity to tell someone else about your shit, and never ask a question or seem interested in the person across from you.

You should leave a conversation enriched, informed, and maybe in some cases changed.

Ask yourself this question the next time you’re out with a friend and having an evening of conversation.  When you’re heading home, evening complete, ask yourself what you learned about your friend.  

Ask yourself what you know now that you didn’t know then.

Trouble responding?  

You just had a one-way interaction, not a conversation.  You can do better than that…….right?

You’re richer for listening.

Friendship……

It’s an interesting word because it can connote a myriad of meanings.

My friend might just mean someone I’ve met a few times, a word one might use to infer some sort of connection to a mutual acquaintance in a conversation.

It might describe someone you spend a lot of time around, work with, or hang with from time to time.  You know who they are, they know who you are, and there’s something of interest that brings you together.

Maybe it’s someone you bump into regularly, share a bus ride, or lunch table with each day.

It’s a word that can mean a lot of things.

But the real word, the real meaning…..well that’s intended for people who we really care about, and who really care about us.

A friend, at his or her heart, is meant to mean something deeper, more important, and real.

A friend is someone you’ll go to bat for, step up for, give up for.

You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

You know when they’re not around, or when they’re far away.

You can count on a friend.  They matter to you, and you matter to them.

How many of those do you have?  

How many people really get to know you? How many people do you really know?  

How many people are your friend?

Why is this so important?

A number of studies have explored what seems to create the greatest quality of life, the equation of happiness for lack of a better word.  What makes life worth living?

Most of the time, the central figure in our quality of life is our quality of friendship.  Meaningful friendship.  Real connection, real sharing, real life.

We’re really lucky if we have a handful of these real friends, we’re rich beyond measure if we have more.

But friendship is a two way street, you gotta give if you want to get.  Letting people in is the key ingredient. 

Be selective.

Be picky.

But don’t be alone.

Who are your real friends……..?

I’ve spent a lot of time during the second half of my career training and reconditioning Olympic athletes and I learned a lot from every one of them.

These next few weeks we get to experience the phenomenon of the Olympics.  Wrought with controversy and massive costs, it still evokes a sensation in those who care to watch that is unmatched in the sports world.

True, there are incredible sporting events every year on our calendars, and each has its special nuance and calculus.  But nothing seems to match the incredible spectacle of the Olympic games.

Perhaps because there is a sport there somewhere for just about everyone.  You’re bound to find an event that you find interesting.  And even when you don’t, the intrigue of following a sport you know nothing about, but pits the best of the best against one another, simply stimulates fascination in even the most skeptical.

But it’s really in the finality of it.  The fact that there is only one gold medalist, only one person gets to be anointed with that precious metal.

And, everyone has to wait for four years to get that chance, and if they miss……it may be the last time they ever get that chance.

Sure, numerous athletes have competed in multiple Olympic games, but very few have been adorned with gold in every attempt.

My good friend Dom Gauthier, himself an Olympic athlete and coach once used a great analogy to bring context to the almost impossible mission of winning a gold medal.

Imagine for a second that you want to be a doctor. On your first day in med school, you sit down in the massive auditorium with 100+ other aspiring physicians and wait for those first words from your professor.

Your professor walks in and stands behind the podium at the front of the class and begins by saying, “You are all here to become doctors, but unfortunately only one of you will graduate and attain that recognition.”

Imagine what you would feel.

Would you stay seated, or simply walk out of the room?

Most reading this would say it wouldn’t be worth the effort.

Yet that IS the effort and the requirement assigned to winning a gold medal.  Four years at least of toiling and training, effort, failure, and success to simply be able to compete.  

Winning the gold is like no other impossible task because it’s just simply meant to be that way.  It’s a filter that eliminates the faint of heart, those who won’t do the extra, and those who won’t get up when everyone else has decided to sleep in.

I think we know this of the task, even if we’ve never experienced it. That’s why it’s so incomparable to watch.  You know how hard it was for every single athlete to get there, and now, amongst their peers, they seek to stand on top.

No easy task.

But there always seems to be some who will take it on. Thankfully.

Here’s to a few weeks of watching the impossible become possible for a special few.