Who Have We Become?

“Good moral character is the first essential in a man.”

– George Washington

To be accurate to the original quote, I chose not to change “men” to “human beings.” However, this truth should include everyone.

Far too many people are eroding this foundational property of the human spirit daily. It’s become fashionable to defame, deride, blame, accuse, and insult others.

It’s become too easy, maybe even too rewarding, to be negative, accusatory, or shout profanity. 

Character defamation is a sport now.

This is not exclusive to one side or another side of society, as some would wish us to believe.  The fabric of vulgarity and dishonesty flows like a golden thread through far too many—especially those in leadership of any sort.

We are far too quick to forget the lessons learned in times when humanity has reached a precipice of character.

Often, during a time like the Second World War, when evil reached a zenith, our history books portray the evil of the losers and the goodness of those who prevailed.

However, that is not the real truth.

There was evil everywhere.  There was no perfect side.  Most certainly, those who perpetrated such destruction, torture, and atrocity upon so many innocent souls have become figures in the representation of the worst of human nature, as they should.

But thread throughout this betrayal of human character were sub-stories of rape, torture, malfeasance, and abject evil that those who would one day be painted as the victor perpetrated upon those who would one day be declared the loser.

But the outcome, the sense of it, was that those who fought on the good side did so under the pretense that what they stood for was freedom and some fabric of moral character.

Being somehow better than those who represented the worst in us.  By winning, this belief was seemingly codified in our sociological fabric.

After the war, an almost perfect image of our mind’s belief of what would/should be good and right was painted into the cultural mosaic of the homes, furniture, cars, and lifestyles of the time. 

Television became the sociological representation of our perfect lives, creating perfect families and people. “Leave it to Beaver”, “The Andy Griffith Show”, “My Three Sons”……..everything was good, or so it seemed.

But so much perfection led to backlash and the sociological upheaval of the 60s.  We aren’t really that good, it’s just not possible to be that good.  But we like to believe we are better than the worst version of ourselves.

In the ’60s and ’70s, the tug of war between good and bad characters became more evident, Watergate shone a light on the temple of righteousness that had been politics to that point.  There is before Nixon and after Nixon, and these times are not the same.

Our attention was focused on the evil that would be communism and mother Russia (The Soviet Union at the time), there always has to be an enemy. Someone or something who’s character is worse than ourselves otherwise we have to look within, and that’s not what we do.

The other side is worse; they do bad better than us.  We do bad for a reason; they do it for something else. Our bad is a necessary evil; theirs is questionable at best.  This keeps us focused on what matters: our sense that we are better than, or more than.

Funny how as we ascend through Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, it is the rare character who reaches back and pulls others up.  More often than not, we reorient and distance ourselves.  We look down upon them as though they are not once us.  They are to be restrained or constrained.  They should not be in our environment.  We are better than them.

Television and movies portray us but also make us believe there is always a happy ending, or at least the fantasy of good and bad could be played out in stories rather than in our day to day.

Housed within our television diet was the media messaging, ever-shifting under our feet.  Slowly, insidiously these media networks became finger pointers, judgers, and drivers of our preferred narrative. If we had a bias, and we all have bias, then these networks and their ever-growing list of influencing figures began to support our beliefs.

Those who didn’t, well they became the left of the right, or the far right and the far left.  Anything they said was not worth listening to. It was all a lie. No truth to be found here.

Even then, we had no way to respond.  We were forced to listen and talk amongst ourselves. We weren’t the problem, those in the television box were the problem.

And then came social media and the smartphone and everything has changed. 

Now, those who have more can be shown to be less. Those who have less can influence their own.  The power balance has shifted.  In so doing, we’ve once again lost our way.

Now we see the character within all of us, the thing we try to suppress, but unfortunately exists in everyone.

People can say, without real retribution, what they are actually thinking.

I was talking to a friend the other day about a politician I thought was being maligned unfairly.  He had made mistakes, he did things I didn’t think made sense, but I believed that his heart was in the right place. I questioned why people were so easily prone to vitriol and disdain for him on social media.

My friend said to me, “I think it…..I just don’t say it. I agree with what those people say about him in my mind, I just don’t say it out loud.”

Wow……and there it was.  What we see today is a vehicle for expressing what is being said inside the minds of so many of us.

Perhaps this is why organized religion exists because we need a deity to tell us how to behave.  Something better than us to extol the virtues of what we should be instead of what we are.

And yet, once we organize our religious beliefs, there we go again: us versus them.  One is better than another; one viewpoint is so much more good than the others.

Oh, and then, as though our minds can’t handle the necessity to be good, those who lead our religious faith perpetrate upon the weakness of those who stand in community with them.  We don’t have to look too far to see what ungodliness has been imposed upon so many souls unwittingly disguised by those in the purest of white linen cloth.

So it’s not about the right or the left, or the in-between.  These are belief systems that free people have the right to explore and express, for that in and of itself is real freedom.

But the character part of the equation is our ability to hear each other’s views without judgment, to dance the delicate dance of compromise, and to find something that can work for all. Idyllic as it may be, this is the essence of character.

Stand for what you believe, but recognize this comes with the restraint of consideration of one’s fellow human being, not with their submission.

It’s a tough slog to create a civilized society, but the other option is anarchy and chaos as an outcome.

The central tenant of a civilized society, as the first president of the United States once said, is a human’s character.

This is what we need to find once again in a time where so much seems out of line.

Choose Love Not Fear

“You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.”  

– Jim Carrey

I recently listened to Jim Carrey’s commencement address at the Maharishi University of Management graduation ceremony. 

Not the one that is edited and reformatted for maximum drama on quick social feeds, but the one that lasts close to 30 minutes and takes the listener through a real journey of self-reflection and purpose. 

If you’ve never listened to Jim Carrey’s full commencement speech, it’s worth your time.

https://youtu.be/oPtftLhSnlY?si=2RKn-wwIevdryii3

Jim is a profound thinker, and his challenges with depression and mental health have been rather public at times.  But he’s not afraid of that, because it all contributes to this truth we all seek, the question of why we matter.  Why we are here…….

“The effect you have on others is the most valuable currency because everything you gain in life will rot and fall apart and all that will be left of you is what was in your heart.” JC

The speech is full of really valuable thoughts and stories. It is a tapestry of experiences that have revealed to Jim over time why he was meant to do what he has done.

After telling the story of how he watched his father make a choice not to follow his dreams, and toil and eventually fail doing what he disliked simply out of a sense of responsibility, he shared his wish for himself, the quote with which I began this post.

Afterward, he reveals an incredible piece of art, 20+ feet high and at least 10 feet wide with vibrant colors and an explosive light in the shape of a cross that cuts the images behind into various caricatures of the ego.

“Your Ego will not let you rest until you have left an indelible mark on the earth. Until you have achieved immortality. How tricky is this ego that tempts us with something we already possess?” JC

We are already enough, nothing we achieve or accumulate will make us more.

He points out that our ego misguides us, and takes us on paths intentionally just to avoid our truth, as though our truth will somehow disappoint. When in reality, it is everything we need.

“Relax and dream up and great life”, he says, egging on the graduating class to simply allow themselves to listen to their hearts and imagine the possibilities.

“As far as I can tell, it’s just about letting the universe know what you want, and working toward it, while letting go of how it comes to pass.” JC

We seek to control, especially what we can’t control.  Instead, we should simply control our effort and creativity, focusing them on the faith that something good will come of it.

“Hope walks through the fire, and faith leaps over it.” JC

Find what makes you sing inside and never stop singing that song. It’s what you are meant for……

“Choose love and don’t ever let fear turn you against your playful heart.” JC

Have faith…..

Stewarding Transformation

“Be the change you wish to see in the world”  

– Unknown

As a listener of the LYM podcast and a reader of this blog, you are, most likely, coaching, teaching, managing, or mentoring in some way or another.

Even if you are not, there’s a likelihood you will be sometime in the future. The natural progression of life is to chase and explore, to plant your flag of expertise, to make your mark, and then to begin to share and transcend.

It’s the natural evolution of life.

That being said, so many of us struggle with recognizing this transformation. You don’t see yourself changing or acknowledging it until you have some revelational experience.

Many struggle with imposter syndrome, feeling un-ready to share or reach higher because they don’t feel they deserve or are prepared for it.

The problem is that you most likely have never been taught to have a cyclical reflective practice that helps you acknowledge your growth.  You just keep working hard, doing more, and hoping one day you will arrive at some aha moment where everything reveals itself.

But that day never comes.

It never comes because you have no formal strategy for recognizing your change.  It just always feels like you are the same as you were.  Maybe you are doing more things, or capable of doing more, but you don’t feel it.  You don’t own it.

Or maybe you do, so you accept that promotion or take that new role, but then suddenly, you feel ill-prepared and start worrying if you can pull it off! 

To feel ready, to know you have it in you requires a strategy for recognizing change. A positive proof bucket.

Being the change you wish to see requires a recognition of the change you experience. If you take time each day, each week, each month, and each year to reflect practically on the things you have explored and experienced, taking stock, you will soon begin to “see” yourself change.

Big or small, record it all. Keep track of what you have done.  See your transformation in real-time. 

You will consciously steward your transformation.

If you are doing this, if you are deeply aware of your growth and evolution, then your responsibility is to support others in this endeavor.  To share your approach and to help steward the transformation of those around you.

Be the change you wish to see.

See the change you have achieved.

Guide the change others seek to explore.

Slow and Steady

“It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop” 

– Confucious

Another New Year begins and with it, all the expectation that comes with 365 days of potential.

It’s said that we often believe we can accomplish less than we should in the span of a year, and more than we should in just one week.

We place too much expectation on the day-to-day, and not enough on the aggregate of many days of work and effort. By doing so, we find ourselves disappointed in the momentary constraint, versus motivated by the over-reaching progress only time permits.

The solution is not found in setting goals, as much as goals can be valuable, and provide a target on which to place our focus.  Goals tend to objectify our process, but they also leave a great deal of space between the start and the finish.  Focused solely on goals, our day-to-day can often seem impossibly slow.

But slow is faster than it appears. 

Slow is the essence of progress, and progress can be challenging to touch. Real progress is in incremental change, not radical change. Radical change is obvious to the eye of the beholder, but it always comes at a cost of confusion and chaos. 

But slow change isn’t inspiring, it doesn’t come with fireworks it doesn’t shock the system. So, for us to embrace change slowly over time, we need some way to sense that it’s happening. We need a way to feel it, recognize it, and believe it has happened.

That’s why regular self-reflection is imperative.  Minding the gap is essential.  The turtle finds just as much satisfaction in realizing it is just crossing the yellow line on the road as it does when it touches the gravel of the opposite side.

Through looking back at where we’ve come from, we realize just how much progress has been made.  We see the progress reveal itself through the progress exposed by reflection.

We can celebrate this incremental change, rather than admonish our current set of circumstances.  Be in the moment, but use the past to inform yourself of your growth, and the future to imagine the possibilities.

This is the art of the self-reflective practice.  It clarifies your evolution.

And evolution is our purpose while we remain earthbound, however slow it might seem.

Keep the faith.

Downgrade Your Lifestyle to Upgrade Your Life

If you’re not willing to downgrade your lifestyle for a year to have a lifestyle you want forever, you care too much about what other people think.” 

– Jim Carrey

We are way too attached to things, stuff, and material wealth.

Way too concerned about how others will judge us should we not be driving the right car, or living in the right neighborhood.

There’s even a colloquial expression for it. “Keeping up with the Jones’.”

It’s only becoming worse with the invention of social media and the so-called smartphone (which should be called a dumbing down machine), because now, more than ever, we can see what everyone else is doing, and they can see what we’re doing.

What we don’t always recognize is how this judge-and-compare universe is defining our assumptions of what happiness should be. We are always looking upward to define our growth and success, not laterally, or even downward.

The next rung in the ladder must be climbed.

But what if we’re on the wrong ladder?!  Surely it’s better to climb down the ladder and step up to the next one, beginning anew to explore our possibilities?

Jim Carrey’s quote is poignant because it causes one to pause for a second and understand how attached we have become.  

If we are so defined by our station in life, are we not also trapped within it?

That sense of being trapped, controlled, or defined is self-driven.  We decide the interpretation of society at large.  Most of society at large is way too busy to give a shit about what we are doing, driving, or dating. But we still worry about it.

Contemplating Jim’s question, if we can simply consider downgrading our life, and being comfortable with less, we free ourselves to so much more possibilities.

I actually did this very thing.  

Eight years ago now, I decided to take less money, dropped a number of consultancy projects, and revised the way I was living my life.  I did this with my partner, and we made an intentional decision to reduce our financial footprint so we could begin to craft the life we wanted to live.

Smaller house, outside the city, less amenities, a simpler life.  It allowed us to create changes that in turn gave us space to take better care of ourselves,  enjoy each other, and to be better parents.

It wasn’t always easy, but life isn’t easy.  But it’s the hard we want to do.  It’s the life we choose to do.

I get to do this.

How about you?

Recognize Your Value

“Try not to be a person of success, rather become a person of value.” 

– Albert Einstein

A large manufacturing plant has come to a halt, with thousands of dollars of production being lost each day. 

No one seems to be able to fix the broken machine that is responsible for producing the company’s valuable products.

Customers clamoring daily for the product are frustrated and take their business elsewhere.

Ownership growing angrier with each passing day, and a real sense of despair has fallen upon the company.

Their wits end, and General Manager reaches out to a highly recommended consultant who comes to the plant, assesses the machine, takes out his hammer, and pounds three times on a small part.

Suddenly the machine begins to run again, and the product starts rolling off the assembly line.

The consultant hands the general manager an invoice for $30,000.

The General Manager squints and looks again, then turns to the consultant and says, “$30,000 for 10 minutes of work and three strikes of a hammer?!”

The consultant sighs, and then says, “No sir, you were losing thousands of dollars an hour because this machine was down.  The $30,000 is for the years of knowledge and accumulated experience that told me exactly what I needed to do to fix your machine in the shortest possible time.”

Your value should not be mistaken for your self-worth.  These are two different things.  Self-worth is how you see yourself from within and requires deep personal reflection and a great mindset.

I’ve talked about some of this work in previous posts.

But your value is something defined by external interpretation.  What do you bring to the table that serves to improve or benefit those who seek your services or knowledge?

The Rapper 50 Cent began his foray into selling Vitamin Water after observing the difference between a gallon of water sold in one container for $2.89 and another down the aisle sold for .59 cents.  

He speculated that no one would know the difference between the two waters if they were poured in a glass side by side.  He realized that the “Brand” of Poland Spring, had figured out how to make people think there was a difference.

He later observed the difference between a bottle in a hotel room for free, in the local corner store for $4.00, and on an airplane for $9.00.  Real or perceived scarcity, convenience, and brand image all play into the decision-making of the customer.

Your ability to make a living from what you do, the service you provide, or the products you sell is determined by your ability to solve problems others can’t solve, or your ability to be there when they need solving.

But it is also dependent on your ability to recognize your growth, and your unique abilities as they become enriched.

It’s also dependent on your confidence in what you offer or provide. Your ability to walk away from those who don’t value what you have to offer.  But also your ability to be there when it’s needed.

Your value is complex, but it starts with knowing it doesn’t always have anything to do with the market price.  The herd mentality creates market prices and expectations, but those should not define your value.

Your value is always changing and often revised depending on circumstances, environments, and needs.  It’s important to keep a pulse on all of these things as your life and career progress. 

Mohamad Ali once said, “A man who sees himself at 50 the same as he did at 30 has wasted 20 years.”

On second thought, your value and your self-worth are intimately aligned.  The work inside is just as important as the work outside.

When you know your value, live it.

Mastering the Art of Living

“A Master in the Art of Living draws no distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind, and his body, his education and his recreation, his love and his religion. 

He hardly knows which is which. 

He simply pursues his version of excellence through whatever he is doing and leaves it up to others to decide whether he is working or playing, to himself he’s always doing both.” 

– L.P. Jacks

I heard this poem the other day, shared by the author’s son at a Ted-Talk. 

Profound!

It’s the real concept of living a balanced life.  Creating this life takes time and intention, but the essence is listening to your heart as you work your way through life. Recognizing what aligns with your energy and what does not.

Too many of us ignore the signs, ignore the feelings, and plod on with life expecting at some point along the way that fulfillment will rear its wonderful head.

It doesn’t work that way. You need to listen as you work your way through each experience, each stage, each moment.  Evaluate how it made you feel, and recognize its worth.

As you do, and as you find your work of choice, you’ll begin to realize that work doesn’t feel like a job anymore, it is just what you do.  Play isn’t contrived but simply explored regularly.  Both become blurred by their synergy.

You aren’t working, you are being in the effort.  It might not be easy, likely isn’t easy. But you are doing the hard you love.

Further education is simply an extension of this internal compass, not burdened by having to do it, but immersed in the opportunity to play with it like a new medium of artwork.  

That’s it really, you do the next thing, not because you need to accomplish the next thing, but because it just feels right.  It’s a part of your expression, just like singing or dancing.  You don’t sing because you have to, you sing because you want to.

As the poem says, others may perceive you are at work because you are at work, but that doesn’t mean you are working.  Only you define the feeling.

I think this is the journey we are on, to slowly fabricate our lives, listening more acutely to our internal dialogue and owning the dissonance.  Not allow ourselves to accept the job, the relationship, or the situation because that’s what is expected by society, our community, or ultimately ourselves.

Stop, evaluate, revise, and set a new course.  Life is a series of experiments, each one helping to refine a better outcome. Slowly taking us to a place of mastery.

But we have to begin by listening and then doing something about it.

Don’t accept what doesn’t feel right.

Master the Art of Living.

There’s Always Going to Be a Bigger Boat

“While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.” – Groucho Marx

One of the things I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older is that there is no point of arrival.  You don’t get to get there. There is no there, there!

We’re convinced early on in life that making goals and achieving things, getting things, and acquiring things are what you do, and that somehow, when you get to the pinnacle of this process, you will have arrived.

But there will always be a bigger boat, a better car, a nicer house, a better job, etc.

We love to watch voyeuristically the crisis and controversy of the rich and famous. Shows like Dallas and Dynasty in their day, and now Succession and Billionaire are our opportunity to live vicariously through the characters.  

And yet, would we want to live that life? The excentricities of wealth never seem to solve anyone’s problems; they seem to simply make them bigger.

Chasing the next thing is a never-ending race to nowhere. Always looking back at who’s chasing you, and always looking forward to the next thing, never being present in the now.

Should we have goals and objectives? 

It’s important to want to explore what is possible for yourself no matter what the chosen medium.  Just understand that the reward is to be found in the effort and self-exploration, not in the actualization. 

Life isn’t a game you are trying to win.  There is no winning formula or trophy.  When we make it about the trophy, then we get caught up in winning another trophy.

It’s all simply about growing and exploring what you are capable of imagining and creating.  And your imagination and creativity should never stop until the day you perish.

Size doesn’t matter, LOL.  

What matters is that you expect to be restless and interested in something else.  It’s normal to be dissatisfied with where you are now so that you dream of where you might want to be next, realizing that when you get there, you won’t appreciate being there, you’ll be looking elsewhere again.

It’s a normal human characteristic.  It’s what caused us to explore the world we live in.  It’s what inspired the great explorers.  But as they all realized, once you get where you planned to go, there’s somewhere else to get to next.

Your satisfaction and fulfillment can’t come from the false prophecy of arrival, it can only come from the effort and experience in trying.

You’ll save yourself a lot of money, time, and frustration if you stop focusing on getting it, and start focusing on being in it.

There is no there, there.

Remember

“No matter what happens in life, be good to people. 

Being good to people is a wonderful legacy to leave behind.”

– Taylor Swift

Does legacy matter? 

It’s an interesting question.

Having spoken to hundreds of people on the podcast over the last seven years, and many more throughout my life, I can say there’s no consensus on this question.

For some, the idea of leaving a legacy is the essence of their existence.

For others, it matters not one iota. Or at least the notion that this is their purpose is something never pondered or considered.

But even though it’s not necessarily the focus or the raison d’etre of someone’s life, most of us, either consciously, or subconsciously in the deep recesses of our minds want to make a difference.

We want to matter.

Taylor Swift’s quote to begin this blog is quite poignant.  Legacy isn’t always about leaving knowledge, possessions, or a physical imprint. It’s often simply about your effect on others.

Being good to others is a wonderful point of embarkation for legacy.  Simply being remembered by others for how you treated them is an impact of great value.

How would you like others to remember you?  

You might not care right now, but you’ll most likely care as the days of your life begin to count down.  Having witnessed the descent of my mother’s health most recently, I can tell you that you don’t always get to choose how you will go, or what you’ll be able to do in your dying days.

The time to make peace is now, not then.  The time to define how you will be remembered is now, even if it doesn’t seem to matter now.

That doesn’t mean you have to have some bold objective, it simply means you carry yourself with a commitment to character and an honest effort to do right by those who you encounter.

You won’t actually know you’ve achieved it.  Legacy is an afterthought, not tangible to us in practice, only understandable by those who have been touched.

You are sewing seeds in a garden you’ll never see.

But wouldn’t it be nice to know it’s a garden worth talking about?

Does legacy matter?

I think it does.

Remember

“In Flanders Fields, the poppies blow. Between the crosses row on row. That marks our place, and in the sky, the larks still bravely singing fly, scarce heard among the guns below.” John McCrae

What did the men and women of the great generation fight for?

Why did so many give their lives, often without question, to the mission of the moment?

They were scared and did not know what awaited them on the other side of an ocean’s journey, but they went despite their uncertainty and trepidation.

The call of duty.

What required such sacrifice on the part of so many?

Numerous fascist regimes had taken power over their people and had decided to extend their power over the territories and belief systems of neighbors. Extending borders and taking land uninvited and unimpeded.

Indifference had been the nemesis of those who ignored the coming of such peril.  Many, until it was in their face, could go about their business unaffected by the perils of those unknown.

Why worry about someone else’s problem?

Hitler and Mussolini promised their citizenry prosperity and a return to greatness, and they delivered until they did not.

We should be careful when the illusion of prosperity deludes the factors that conspire to create it.

The facade of such totalitarianism eventually cracked and crumbled under the forces of those who would not acquiesce, but only after so much loss of life.

Young men and women at the zenith of their lives turned to dust in resistance to the forces of evil.

With the effects of the Great Depression on Japan’s economy, and impressed by the rise of the military-led authoritarian governments of Germany and Italy, Japan also chose to explore its regime of conquest.

Unfortunately, an isolationist sentiment of much of the American public stalled any resistance other than imposed sanctions. Only when attacked did the full extent of the power of America’s complete dedication to resistance rain retribution upon the axis of evil.

Once again, at the cost of so many.

In remembering, we should not forget that many lives were lost, and much human tragedy occurred until all who stood to lose their freedom awoke from their slumber and joined the effort.

The lessons learned are easily forgotten in time.  Forgotten is the ignorance that allowed such evil to perpetuate itself unchecked and unfettered.

Forgotten is that many would have continued to ignore the spectacle were it not for the audacity of these regimes and their belief that they could reach wherever they pleased, do whatever they pleased, and no one would stop them.

There was great darkness before there was light.  Many lost before it would end.

“Indifference, to me, is the epitome of evil. The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference….

.…and the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.”

Elie Wiesel

On this day of remembrance, do not just remember those lost in times of war and their great sacrifice.

Remember that much of what they sacrificed could have been avoided perhaps by the simple act of our attention.

Stand up for what you believe.

Be ready to support others in such a cause.

Pay attention, not ignorance.

Always strive to elevate your character.

Pursue a worthy ideal.

Today, we remember.

Tomorrow let’s not regret, let’s strive to do better.

#LestWeForget