Remember

“No matter what happens in life, be good to people. 

Being good to people is a wonderful legacy to leave behind.”

– Taylor Swift

Does legacy matter? 

It’s an interesting question.

Having spoken to hundreds of people on the podcast over the last seven years, and many more throughout my life, I can say there’s no consensus on this question.

For some, the idea of leaving a legacy is the essence of their existence.

For others, it matters not one iota. Or at least the notion that this is their purpose is something never pondered or considered.

But even though it’s not necessarily the focus or the raison d’etre of someone’s life, most of us, either consciously, or subconsciously in the deep recesses of our minds want to make a difference.

We want to matter.

Taylor Swift’s quote to begin this blog is quite poignant.  Legacy isn’t always about leaving knowledge, possessions, or a physical imprint. It’s often simply about your effect on others.

Being good to others is a wonderful point of embarkation for legacy.  Simply being remembered by others for how you treated them is an impact of great value.

How would you like others to remember you?  

You might not care right now, but you’ll most likely care as the days of your life begin to count down.  Having witnessed the descent of my mother’s health most recently, I can tell you that you don’t always get to choose how you will go, or what you’ll be able to do in your dying days.

The time to make peace is now, not then.  The time to define how you will be remembered is now, even if it doesn’t seem to matter now.

That doesn’t mean you have to have some bold objective, it simply means you carry yourself with a commitment to character and an honest effort to do right by those who you encounter.

You won’t actually know you’ve achieved it.  Legacy is an afterthought, not tangible to us in practice, only understandable by those who have been touched.

You are sewing seeds in a garden you’ll never see.

But wouldn’t it be nice to know it’s a garden worth talking about?

Does legacy matter?

I think it does.

Remember

“In Flanders Fields, the poppies blow. Between the crosses row on row. That marks our place, and in the sky, the larks still bravely singing fly, scarce heard among the guns below.” John McCrae

What did the men and women of the great generation fight for?

Why did so many give their lives, often without question, to the mission of the moment?

They were scared and did not know what awaited them on the other side of an ocean’s journey, but they went despite their uncertainty and trepidation.

The call of duty.

What required such sacrifice on the part of so many?

Numerous fascist regimes had taken power over their people and had decided to extend their power over the territories and belief systems of neighbors. Extending borders and taking land uninvited and unimpeded.

Indifference had been the nemesis of those who ignored the coming of such peril.  Many, until it was in their face, could go about their business unaffected by the perils of those unknown.

Why worry about someone else’s problem?

Hitler and Mussolini promised their citizenry prosperity and a return to greatness, and they delivered until they did not.

We should be careful when the illusion of prosperity deludes the factors that conspire to create it.

The facade of such totalitarianism eventually cracked and crumbled under the forces of those who would not acquiesce, but only after so much loss of life.

Young men and women at the zenith of their lives turned to dust in resistance to the forces of evil.

With the effects of the Great Depression on Japan’s economy, and impressed by the rise of the military-led authoritarian governments of Germany and Italy, Japan also chose to explore its regime of conquest.

Unfortunately, an isolationist sentiment of much of the American public stalled any resistance other than imposed sanctions. Only when attacked did the full extent of the power of America’s complete dedication to resistance rain retribution upon the axis of evil.

Once again, at the cost of so many.

In remembering, we should not forget that many lives were lost, and much human tragedy occurred until all who stood to lose their freedom awoke from their slumber and joined the effort.

The lessons learned are easily forgotten in time.  Forgotten is the ignorance that allowed such evil to perpetuate itself unchecked and unfettered.

Forgotten is that many would have continued to ignore the spectacle were it not for the audacity of these regimes and their belief that they could reach wherever they pleased, do whatever they pleased, and no one would stop them.

There was great darkness before there was light.  Many lost before it would end.

“Indifference, to me, is the epitome of evil. The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference….

.…and the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.”

Elie Wiesel

On this day of remembrance, do not just remember those lost in times of war and their great sacrifice.

Remember that much of what they sacrificed could have been avoided perhaps by the simple act of our attention.

Stand up for what you believe.

Be ready to support others in such a cause.

Pay attention, not ignorance.

Always strive to elevate your character.

Pursue a worthy ideal.

Today, we remember.

Tomorrow let’s not regret, let’s strive to do better.

#LestWeForget

“There is a virtue in work and there is virtue in rest, use both to overlook neither.”  – Alan Cohen

How do you find rest?

Is it in the white space of time unoccupied by toil, or the toil unoccupied by rumination?

Many of us avoid the concept of rest as one might envision it….nothing to do and without guilt.

Mostly because we feel guilt!

Or some derivative therein.  

When we take time off, time away from the toil of work, or other responsibilities, our mind begins to play havoc on our gift.

Are we so deserved? Shouldn’t we be doing something? What about that thing that still isn’t done?

No rest of the wicked, and wicked are we who would choose to rest.

But rest isn’t a void, it’s an opportunity to release.  A void infers there is unused space and immediately requires fill.

Opportunity infers a choice to not be bothered, a choice to think freely and imagine, or create.  Rest isn’t about doing nothing, it’s about doing something you need to explore free of the responsibility of stuff!

Real rest isn’t what you have been sold it to be. Going on vacation, and managing all that comes with travel or transition.

Spa sessions and massages.

Real rest can be had right in front of you if you permit yourself.

That’s the key, can you permit yourself to not give a S*&t?

The FEAR acronym prevails, False Expectations Appearing Real.

We cloud our mind at rest with that which we fear, expecting it’s all just our imagination gone wrong.

Rest is allowing your mind to imagine gone right.

We must train ourselves to rest, it doesn’t come naturally. It’s a learned skill.

Start with permitting yourself.

Then imagine anything you want.

“You can not merely expect culture to be a natural occurrence; it has to be taught and made part of your everyday routine.” Mike Krzyzewski

There are many books and opinions about building team and business culture, and how great leaders can manifest great culture through their choices, modeling, and decision-making.

These are all valuable resources and concepts to ponder while building your culture.

But, the unsaid fabric of culture in a team environment is stewarded and protected by the support staff who create the roots for great culture to grow.

Misunderstood and undervalued, year after year great teams and great cultures thrive when their support staff work behind the scenes quietly defining the room through their everyday routines.

The mistake made by many in human performance who join a new team is to define the success of their work through their accomplishments or contributions. 

“I was hired to be the X, and as the X, I am responsible for the Y, and I need to do Y very well.” This is the typical narrative of new staff members on a team.  How can I show everyone I am a team player by doing my job well?

They inject themselves into the environment and attempt to prove their worth and value through the expression of their skills and knowledge delivery.  

They work hard, no doubt, but they often miss the mark. Instead of contributing to the perpetuation of culture, they create microfractures in it.

The hardest thing about working in a sports team environment is realizing that sometimes 70-80% of what you do will have nothing to do with the delivery of your technical acumen, and everything to do with your contribution to the calmness and consistency of the everyday stuff that needs to be done to keep a team running.

Often boring, rarely appreciated, and mostly unrecognized until it is missing or done wrong.

When I worked in the NHL for much of my career on the road, even though I had been hired as a therapist and performance coach, I helped the equipment staff by setting up and collecting the sticks.

Every time a game ended, I collected the sticks as the players exited the ice, systematically bagging them so that they would be easily re-set at the next destination.  

Then, when arriving at the next practice or game rink, I would pull all the sticks out and align them on a wall in order of number, ensuring each and every player would be able to go to that wall and know exactly where their stick was when they reached for it.

Many of the players never knew I did this duty.  They weren’t there when I pulled the sticks out and set them up. They knew their sticks would be in the same place, ready when needed.

I was rarely if ever thanked by anyone for doing it.  Occasionally the lead equipment manager would say a quick thank you.  Their thanks in my estimation, was their trust that I would always get it done and done right.  

The everyday routine would remain steady.

Being a part of a team culture means doing your work, and the teamwork, and the extra work every day without compromise, and without expectation.

If someone shows gratitude, show appreciation for that gratitude and continue consistently delivering.

On great teams, gratitude is shown not through pleases and thank you’s, but through trust and confidence in you. 

The fact that a multi-million dollar player knows you will do right by him or her, and they give you their trust is an exceptional expression of thankfulness.

When a coach, whose job is on the line every day based simply on wins and losses, gives you his or her consent to do your thing, that’s his or her thanks.

Trust is an implicit thank you.

If you expect, even for a second, to be thanked or recognized for what you do in the room of a team, you are automatically on the wrong side of the culture equation.

All that being said, if you are a coach, or an athlete, or a manager, or a leader, recognize that your culture begins and ends with your support staff.  They are the unsaid fabric of your team culture. They are the stewards of its relentless consistency.

Take the time to thank them now and then, and recognize the stuff they do beyond their scope, and on your behalf. It goes a long way.

Culture is formed, not in the loudness of the illuminated statements we make, but in the quiet darkness of the day-to-day.

The great oak tree rises and grows at the behest of the earth in which it rests.

“Despise evil and ungodliness, but men of ungodliness and evil, these, understand.” William Saroyan

As we creep slowly into the upcoming US election what strikes me the most is the growing absolute distrust that has been created around the idea of free and fair elections.  This idea of election denial has become very disturbing.

No level of counter-information, or treatment of the voting process seems to create or re-create trust in the process, more than disturbing, this is frightening.

The whole idea of democracy, as flawed as it might be is that the people get to vote and decide who their elected representatives will be until the next election.

The essence of a democracy is that people have different viewpoints on various areas of interest and concern, and they vote for the person they believe best represents their viewpoints and agenda.

Then, based on how everyone votes, these elected parties speak to the subject matter as representatives of their voting public.  It’s an imperfect system, but it gives everyone a sense that they can steward their republic through their vote.

This belief system has been insidiously damaged over the last ten years, and exponentially fractured since the election of 2020.  

Very little has been done to revise the approach to a free and fair election, and many have been informed that the efforts to create more belts and braces have in some instances been done to create even more disharmony than to create faith in the process.

How the people of the United States of America manage to navigate this next election and resolve this situation in the future is the burning question of just about every other democratic nation in the world.  

If the US can’t reform and resolve this distrust, how will any other democracy survive in the future?

Without the belief that your vote counts, the slippery slope of sociological confidence becomes that much steeper!

Simply being an observer of the outcome of this next election doesn’t make me feel any better about this challenge. It creates a concern with the belief of my own country’s population in our future elections as well.

Whatever happens, the resolve of the people to right this ship in future years would seem to me to be the X-factor in the future of a nation once revered for its representation as the greatest democracy on earth.

I can’t see the benefit to any single citizen in creating this disharmony, except to create a vacuum of faith with which they might take full advantage.

We can only hope that the future will be better, not worse.

“The true art of memory is the art of attention.” Samuel Johnson

There’s a lot of talk out in the world of self-improvement about how to use your time better.  How to create better schedules, get stuff done, or be more productive.

Even more important seems to be how you use your time to recover, self-reflect, and take better care of yourself.

Time is a valuable commodity, or currency depending on how you use it.  If you give your time or sell it, it’s a commodity, if you use it to barter or trade for something you need, in essence, it is a currency.

Like any currency, it’s a limited resource, and fundamentally, our time on this earth is finite so we should use it well.

But the nuance of time, and its real value is where you place your attention. How connected are you to what you are doing, who you are speaking with, what you are experiencing, or who you are serving?

Attention is the secret sauce of intentional practice and improvement.

There is a great deal of confusion around the 10,000-hour rule for generating expertise, which was made famous by Malcolm Gladwell in his book “Outliers: The Story of Success”. 

Gladwell frequently repeated throughout the book that the key to achieving true expertise in any skill is a matter of practicing that skill correctly for at least 10,000 hours.

This was a simple explanation for a rather complicated subject, but the truth is what matters most is not the volume, but the intention and “attention”. Bringing real focus and connection to the task at hand, and as a result, making finite modifications and improvements along the way is what creates real expertise.

Depending on the complexity of what you are doing, and the variability of the circumstances within which one must execute the skill or ability, a longer or shorter runway will be required.

But this rings true in just about every facet of life.  Especially when it comes to relationships and interactions.  We often hear people talking about listening better. 

Be a better listener, they say!

But the bigger question is what is your attention in the conversation?  Are you actively listening? Enough that you could reiterate the conversation to someone else shortly afterward?

We have a whole syndrome to blanket explain people’s inability to invest their attention. Attention Deficit Disorder.  Can’t focus on what’s important, now!

We’re much better at talking to ourselves. Not to be confused with positive self-talk, most of the time we are downing on ourselves and repeating our negative narratives.  The internal dialogue sabotages the act of listening.  Instead, we vacillate between thoughts irrelevant to the conversation, and thoughts about our next contribution.

Being present is about bringing your attention to the moment, to what you are experiencing.  If you are trying to get better at something, your attention needs to be on the act, not on other things disconnected from the act. 

If you want to be connected in someone else’s presence, your attention to them at that moment, no matter how short or long, is essential to the power of the interaction.

While writing this blog, my attention was momentarily diverted to the Netflix Series my wife was watching “The Starting Five”.  It follows the backstory of several NBA players during a season. I was struck when watching Lebron James at the end of Episode 4, about the traditions of the Christmas game in the NBA.

What struck me was watching Labron at the end of the game and his interactions with so many different people.  Here is one of the world’s greatest basketball players. His time is precious and the demands of his attention are pulled in every direction, and yet, I could see his real presence in every interaction.  

I didn’t see someone simply letting people be in his airspace.  I saw someone who cared to bring his attention, however fleeting to every interaction he had.  From the connections to the players he embraced and wished a Merry Christmas, to their children, and then on to connecting with the numerous members of his family waiting off-court. 

Not just saying hello, but remembering something important to them, or just being “with” them for just a moment.  I could see his attention in action.  Not distracted by the chaos of the environment, but delivering real hugs and handshakes, then redistributing his joy and spirit to a staff member making them feel special.

There’s a reason people become the best at what they do, and it’s not just about working hard or practicing, or doing more than everyone else.  The older I get, the more I realize the secret to this type of success is the ability to bring undivided attention to the task at hand whether short or long is required or available. 

The task at hand not only being about the work but also being with the relationships that support the work.

Think about the last time you were with someone you looked up to or were inspired by when you spent time with them.  I bet that when you reflect, the reason you felt that way was that you truly felt important to them even if it was just for a moment.

Attention is a powerful thing.

Where is your attention being focused?

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” Mark Twain

What is the truth today?

I’m not sure anymore.  I most certainly can’t believe much I hear on most forms of media.

At the foundation is the need to create an impression with anything that is said, for if there is no reaction within you, you won’t care enough to keep listening.

Every big storm is like the biggest storm to ever hit the coast.  Every fire, the worst we’ve seen.  And yet, that said, the destruction is unbelievable, but because it’s been hyped over and over again, I’ve become numb.

Salacious sells.

The ludicrous is celebrated.

The lie told again and again becomes the truth we come to believe.

The best pizza in the world, the best coffee in the world, the world champions, the biggest ever seen?!

Really?! We know this without a doubt, do we?

My favorite statement is, “It’s the first time since 2022 that this has happened…….”

Then it’s not the first time. But it sounds important. Rare, near impossible, but suddenly possible.

I guess it’s always been this way. We like to be entertained by something we perceive is unbelievable and yet happening. The truth is boring.  The truth is rare.

How about this one, the murder rate has skyrocketed in the last year, a 100% increase!  Do they tell you last year there was one homicide, and this year two? Nope, that’s the truth, and it’s BORING!

We get what we ask for in the end.  

We react and respond to things that seem to be just a little or a lot out of the ordinary.  We think that something new and different is more meaningful. So when it isn’t really out of the ordinary, those who wish for us to pay attention paint it to be so.

Ever seen the reporter leaning into the wind like it’s 120 miles an hour, and then some people walk by in the background like it’s just a regular day?  Oh yes, they do exaggerate the weather.

The unfortunate side effect is the same old story. It’s the story of the boy who cried wolf. We get tired of hearing how unbelievable everything is and then we begin not believing anything.  Only when it does turn out to be the truth, it hurts so bad.

Lulled into a false sense of security, or worse, whipped into fear and frenzy, we can no longer think rationally.

Then they’ve got us.  We are all ears because we crave truth, and the ones who can make us believe become the all-powerful.

It’s a recipe played over and over again through the annals of history, only now, technology makes it nearly impossible to differentiate.  

Maybe quite soon it will be impossible.

Then what?

I wish I knew.

What on earth has happened to us?

I try to avoid doom scrolling, but every so often when bored or waiting in line, I’ll scroll through social channels and the infamous X (formerly Twittershpere) and find myself completely overwhelmed by who we’ve become.

First of all, everyone has an opinion, but so few know what they are talking about?!

With the emphatic delivery of someone who has all the information, people chime in on everything from the economy, the attempted assassinations, to the latest world news occurrence, or another school shooting.

I am dumbfounded by how many people feel they know exactly what happened, and as such, feel empowered to tell everyone else, and worse hurle at anyone who might disagree, some derogatory commentary.

Derogatory is a nice word for some of the vitriol that gets spewed out at other people in the same thread of so-called conversation.

To call it a conversation is to do it an injustice as there is no conversing, just virtual screaming.

The word conspiracy has become a “thing”. No longer reserved for the unexplainable, or that which we find truly head-scratching.  Conspiracy has become the norm.  It’s what people expect. It’s what they believe is the reality.

That’s scary!!

Is there corruption? 

You bet there is, how can there not be with such a loss of our moral compass?  

But at the same time, for us to begin to believe there is no truth in that which we find controversial, or against our own desired approach creates a fracture in the foundation of society.

There is no society without law, order, and truth.  If we can’t believe in anything, there is no anchor, no safe haven.

Then we see what people are doing to create and keep power.  It’s always been there, but now it just seems incredibly pervasive.

Humanities pull toward organized religion thousands of years ago was to counter point this insane human character flaw. Our propensity to fall.  To slowly slip towards the animal inside us, instead of the human we aspire to rise toward.

But, organized religion has often failed us.  Within it finds another approach to power and control, and eventually the best of what it represents can be tarnished by the worst of who we are.

Our moral compass is not a given.  It’s something we must gravitate toward, check ourselves on, and hold ourselves accountable.

It’s not a given.

“Success is when our behaviors match our values.”  Integrity.

Let’s all get back to the business of holding ourselves accountable.

Resist becoming a part of the narrative, seek to be someone with moral character that inspires.

“Change is inevitable, growth is optional.”  John C. Maxwell

This was the quote on the T-shirts we gave the participants of our recent MpwrU Retreat.  MpwrU is a life mentorship group that my wife and I steward. We’ve been doing it for over five years now, and this was our second go-round with a retreat for the group.

One of the key things we teach in the program is the idea of reflection, recognition, and re-iteration.

Everyone’s life is about navigating change, sometimes slight, and sometimes dramatic, as change is a constant.  One could even argue that without change management, there is an entropic nature to change. A slow downward slope.

Leave a home unattended and return 20 years later.  You won’t be able to see the house because of the vegetation around it, and the house will be in disrepair even though nothing has been used or abused by those not living in  it.

That’s nature.

How do we prevent our home from deteriorating like that over time?  We maintain it.  Sometimes we re-new it or revise it.

We look at what is wearing out, we recognize the deterioration, and we replace, repair, renovate and renew.

But this is not as much a process we learn or effect upon ourselves, at least not as practically.  

We tend to over-use our bodies and our minds, pushing them to manage the stress and load of our every day agenda’s, or we simply ignore them altogether,  hoping they will respond when needed.

Feeling overweight, then go on a radical diet and begin a training regime and expect the system to respond!

Feeling lonely, get a dog and pay no mind to the overwhelming time and budget demand associated with taking care of an animal.

Time is ticking on the clock of life, it’s time to have kids, but what it costs in time and effort is mostly an afterthought.  We’ll make it work.

Move halfway across the world to take a new job, family in tow, we’ll figure it out when we get there!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we shouldn’t have a fitness and health plan, enjoy pets, or children, or go for the new job.  I’m just saying we should learn to walk through a process of reflection, recognition, and revision that leads us to our new iteration intentionally.

Let’s take stock of where we are now, what the change we wish to create might look like, assess our preparation and capacity, talk with those that matter, and then make a decision based on who we wish to be, not what we wish to have.

Do we wish to be healthier – what’s it going to take?

Do we want to have a pet – is it feasible?

Do we want to be a parent – what will it mean to be ALL-IN?

Do we want this new job/promotion – How will it make us better and why is that important?

Life is an iterative process.  You want to own it, not react to it.

Will there be times when you need to react? Absolutely, plenty!  But the more you create intentional processes for growth, the less of the growth will occur as a response, more will be created with your blessing.

“Change is inevitable, growth is optional.” John C. Maxwell

Steward your change.

What are your core values?

What does that question even mean really?

I’m not sure most people take the time to answer that question for themselves, perhaps until they are confronted with it in a business exercise or life coaching session.

It’s the background noise that informs how you feel when things don’t feel right.  When you feel a sense of dissonance with others, or with your environment, it’s usually because something you value is being ignored or disrespected.

I was introduced to a definition of success by a friend, “Success is when your behaviors match your values”.

Do you deport yourself based on your core values?

I think part of the attraction to organized religion is that most of the religions over the history of humanity start with a moral and spiritual code of conduct. A character compass if you will.

The essence of religion is your accountability to something higher than you, something that reminds you of who you are, how you should carry yourself, how you should treat others, and what is considered reprehensible action or inaction.

But religion doesn’t necessarily ask you to evaluate your alignment with the values espoused within. Instead, most religions impart an expectation to align with the doctrine.

So how do we know what is most important to us, and how do we hold ourselves accountable to it?

One way to do it is to make a list of common values.  Can’t think of any? The internet can give you a list with just a few clicks.

Take that list and ask yourself as you review it. Which ones resonate with you?  

Build a list of 20-30 values that have meaning for you.

Then be ruthless about stripping it down to your most important ten.  Those are the ones that cause havoc in you when they are not being respected, or there is misalignment with your environment or relationships.

The legendary coach of the Golden State Warriors, Steve Kerr reflected on advice given to him by Coach Pete Carroll of the Seattle Seahawks, himself a legend of college and professional football. 

Steve admired the way Pete coached and how he established a team culture. Steve asked Pete some of his secrets for creating team culture.  Pete told him that to create team culture he needed to pick 10 values that are important to him, and then narrow it down to his core 4 values. 

Kerr settled on; Joy, Mindfulness, Compassion, and Competition.

When you define these words in action, you need to explore what they are and what they mean, and constantly revise and refine the actions that align with the words.  What does it mean to be joyful?  How does it look, feel, and exhibit itself?

What does mindfulness mean?

In the Netflix series “Last Dance” in one of the last episodes a sports psychologist remarked that what separated Michael Jordan from his peers was not his skills or on-court play, although incredible just the same. What separated him from all the rest was his presence.  He was playing basketball, he was competing, he was on the court, in the game, all the time.

This is the essence of mindfulness.  Being present and connected to one’s self, living in the moment undistracted by what has been or what will be.

How do you evaluate it in a team setting? Not easy, but recognizing when you are your teammates are not present and bringing them back to the task at hand is a big part of it.  Holding yourself accountable and your teammates, this is how culture begins to thrive.

I think the idea of joy, mindfulness, compassion and competition invoke both a sensitivity to our fellow man and teammates, but also the essence of it all is to be competitive which infers a state of excellence.

Team success, if we take the definition of success I shared earlier as a reference point, is the ability of the collective to behave in alignment with these core values.  Success is not the wins or losses, but the organizational alignment with core values. The expectation is that if one remains aligned with such values, the outcome should take care of itself.

The Golden State Warriors have had their share of winning seasons, and championships, but they’ve also failed several times during Steve Kerr’s tenure.  Winning year after year is a near impossible thing, there are just too many factors that are out of one’s control to guarantee winning a championship each year.

What Steve can control is the environment he, his staff, and the team co-create to set the table for the possibility of winning.  Success is when your behaviors align with your values. 

I think this is something that is missing more and more in society today.  

People, especially our leaders, standing up for what you believe in, treating others the way you would wish to be treated, doing what you say you will do, and calling yourself out when you don’t.

Do the exercise of identifying what truly matters to you, and then reflect on how that should look in terms of your behavior and action.

Then take the time to evaluate yourself from time to time, and call yourself out when you don’t meet your mark.

If we all did this a little more, instead of pointing fingers at everyone else, we would all be a lot better off.