It All Fades Away

“Time slips through our hands like grains of sand, never to return. Those who use time wisely from an early age are rewarded with rich, productive, and satisfying lives.”

– Robin S. Sharma

When I walk on the beach each day while away on vacation I am reminded of how time is fleeting.

You move along the beach, creating each footprint, a legacy statement of the moment you were once there, when you turn around, you see the many tracks you have created.

But just as in life, those tracks are quickly washed over by waves, and for an instant they become less visible, becoming more and more faded with each passing wave.

Everything we do will fade away in time.  For some who create in the arts and literature, there can be a legacy of thought or story.

We remember the music of our youth, the Michael Jackson’s of the moment, we recall how fantastic they once were.  

We can see the amazing feats of physical prowess expressed by our sports heroes. Because of film and television, we can even revisit these moments like they were yesterday.

For those who create businesses or brands, perhaps the act of your creation remains in the memory of those who continue to use or explore your invention. Edison’s light bulb or Ford’s automobile.

Perhaps we can even remember more than just the name or the impact the person created, and by reading an autobiography, we can learn more about their life.

But these are all the big things, the incredible things, what about the simple things? The simple acts of kindness, or moments of deliberation.  The decisions made, and the turns taken. Most of this gets lost. 

Just like each footprint in the sand.

The truth is most of us aren’t Einstein or Ali, we are just regular folk doing regular things, and even many of those who at the moment seem larger than life, are truly just as forgotten as we will once be.

The message is in the moment. The purpose in the instant. There is no long-term. 

So the more we get out of our head about what could or might be, and just recognize that what is now is all there is, that becomes the moment we are set free.

Plan and forecast, and look towards the future, this is all great and worth doing. But focus your energy on what is now, not what might one day be.  The steps you take today will be faded and forgotten tomorrow.  

None of us is in charge of how this all will end.  I watched my mother’s final days a year ago, and what she experienced I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.  We don’t get to write the script.

New friends of ours on our recent vacation told us of a moment they both almost drowned on vacation.  The parents of three young boys could see each other struggling in the water separated by 50 meters of water, unable to assist one another.

The father luckily found purchase on a sandbar, while all he could do was watch his wife helpless and slowly sinking beneath the surface.  As luck would have it, a stranger with water experience and the right equipment saved her life.

The father confided that he wanted to try to swim to her, but his mind told him they couldn’t leave their boys without parents and it paralyzed him.  I can’t imagine this moment.  But moments like this shape and reshape our lives.  They are a reminder that life is not guaranteed.

So, feel the sand under your feet at each step, recognize that each one is special, and yet each is simply a step. None are guaranteed, and most will be forgotten.

It all fades away one day.

Be grateful for what you have, not for what you have not.

Find the Joy in It

“You’re playing a game, whether it’s Little League or Game 7 of the World Series. It’s impossible to do well unless you’re having a good time. People talk about pressure. Yeah, there’s pressure. But I just look at it as fun.”

– Derek Jeter

Attention parents, coaches, or aspiring athletes. I wrote this as a post the other day and it was super well received, so I thought I would elaborate a little more and make it a blog post.

First sports are a lifetime legacy and lifestyle.  An active life is a healthier life, and sports and activity are an essential part of being human.

But some aspire to be more competitive in sports, they want to explore what’s possible with their body. 

Here’s some advice culled from 35+ years of training and reconditioning athletes.

Make sure it’s their dream, not your dream.  Too many parents live vicariously through their children and push too much.  

Sometimes you need to push, and sometimes you need to step back.  But in the end, success will come from their ownership of the process.

If they don’t want it, you can’t make them want it.  I think the greatest challenge as a parent sometimes is watching our kids fail, sputter, get frustrated, and even walk away.  They have to live their lives, not the ones we want them to live.

I am all for having them finish something they signed up for or registered in, but if there isn’t a spark as some point, the spark isn’t yours to inject.

Be a facilitator, not a dictator. To play off of the above point, it has to come from them, you can set the table, but they need to learn to eat so to speak. 

Too many of us as parents make it too easy, we give them everything they need and they don’t have to overcome.  Overcoming IS sport!  You can’t succeed in sport if you can’t overcome, so if we’ve done all the overcoming, they aren’t learning.

Teach your kids how to respect and thank those who help them and support them. 

If they want to become future champions, there will be a lot of people who have to help them get there, the better they treat them, the more they will want to help.

Most of the athletes I’ve had the pleasure of working with understand this rule, but there are the odd one, or two who don’t, and those end up on the wrong side of the success equation simply because people don’t care to help them when they need it.

Help your kids realize they need a plan B.  Education is essential, or some kind of vocation beyond being an athlete. One day, all athletes must retire.

It’s especially important to teach them how to manage money, and how to put money away for the future. An athlete’s career can be very short, and spending all the upfront money can be very appealing, but it can also leave you in a very bad place if things don’t workout

Teach them to be gracious winners and losers.  Beat your opponents, don’t treat them poorly.  When you lose, learn and move on.  It can be especially fun to rub it in when you win, but just think about how they will feel on the other side of that equation.  In the end, how does that behavior serve their future success?

Help them realize they should dream, and dream big, but winning at the highest levels is rarefied air. 

Even when the best of intentions, and the hardest of work, winning the medal or the championship might not happen. Help them see that success is in the work and process of moving towards the destination, not the destination itself.  

Why this is so important is that life after sport has very few concrete destinations, and if we are too overly focused on the wins, then life afterward will be very challenging as winning isn’t really what life is all about.

You and they should know that injuries will be a part of the experience.  When navigated well, they can contribute to future success!  

What I have experienced in my career with athletes is that the navigation of the injury process teaches them a lot about long-term rewards and breaks them from the need for instant gratification.  There is no choice but to accept that it will take time, and work the process through to its eventual completion.

Let them know that the effort will be monumental, but the view at the top is indeed extraordinary. Even if they don’t win the medal or the championship, the fact that they reached gives them a bird’s eye view of what it takes to explore what so many others never try.

Most of all, make sure they find JOY in what they are doing. 

As the legendary Yankee Derek Jeter says in the quote at the beginning of this blog, that’s ultimately what it’s all about!

Where is My Time Machine

“Civility is not a sign of weakness, and sincerity is always subject to proof. Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.”  

– JFK

Today, we lack the orator whose words set sail the possibilities. Instead, we are constantly barraged by the rhetoric of the moment and the thoughtless meanderings of the foolish.

In these strange times, reflecting on the words of a great leader can sometimes provide us with a powerful string on a seemingly fast-rising balloon. 

President John F. Kennedy’s inaugural address contains many poignant words worthy of remembrance.

……….Let the word go forth from this time and place to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans–born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage–and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed today at home and around the world.

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.

This much we pledge–and more.

To those old allies whose cultural and spiritual origins we share, we pledge the loyalty of faithful friends. United there is little we cannot do in a host of cooperative ventures. Divided there is little we can do–for we dare not meet a powerful challenge at odds and split asunder.

To those new states whom we welcome to the ranks of the free, we pledge our word that one form of colonial control shall not have passed away merely to be replaced by a far more iron tyranny. We shall not always expect to find them supporting our view. But we shall always hope to find them strongly supporting their own freedom–and to remember that, in the past, those who foolishly sought power by riding the back of the tiger ended up inside.

To those people in the huts and villages of half the globe struggling to break the bonds of mass misery, we pledge our best efforts to help them help themselves, for whatever period is required–not because the communists may be doing it, not because we seek their votes, but because it is right. If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich………..

………..Finally, to those nations who would make themselves our adversary, we offer not a pledge but a request: that both sides begin anew the quest for peace before the dark powers of destruction unleashed by science engulf all humanity in planned or accidental self-destruction………

………So let us begin anew–remembering on both sides that civility is not a sign of weakness, and sincerity is always subject to proof. Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.

Let both sides explore what problems unite us instead of belaboring those problems that divide us……..

………In your hands, my fellow citizens, more than mine, will rest the final success or failure of our course. Since this country was founded, each generation of Americans has been summoned to give testimony to its national loyalty. The graves of young Americans who answered the call to service surround the globe.

Now the trumpet summons us again–not as a call to bear arms, though arms we need–not as a call to battle, though embattled we are– but a call to bear the burden of a long twilight struggle, year in and year out, “rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation”–a struggle against the common enemies of man: tyranny, poverty, disease and war itself.

Can we forge against these enemies a grand and global alliance, North and South, East and West, that can assure a more fruitful life for all mankind? Will you join in that historic effort?

In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility–I welcome it. I do not believe that any of us would exchange places with any other people or any other generation. The energy, the faith, and the devotion that we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it–and the glow from that fire can truly light the world.

And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you–ask what you can do for your country.

My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.

Finally, whether you are citizens of America or citizens of the world, ask of us here the same high standards of strength and sacrifice that we ask of you. With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds……..

I wish I had a time machine and I could go back and change what happened on November 22nd, 1963 for there is some part of me that feels like that moment in history was far more destructive than anyone could ever know.

I guess we’ll never really know the answer.

Greatness Starts with Character

Great players still pick up the pucks ”   

– Unknown

I recently watched a segment on a sports channel about the current Four Nations ice hockey tournament between Canada, the USA, Sweden, and Finland.  

The commentators discussed the end of Team Canada’s practice and how the powerplay group, which included some of Canada’s and the world’s greatest players at the time, Crosby, McKinnon, McDavid, Makar, and Toews, had stayed out to work on their strategy.

The players remained on the ice to work on the power play together. This was somewhat unusual to begin with, but when the session was complete, the players took the time to pick up the pucks.

That’s not something you would usually see at a full NHL practice, at least not from the best players on the ice. Maybe the rookies who stayed out for extra skating, etc., might do it, but most of the time, it’s someone on the staff who gets this job.

This subtle overture by these players made it so much clearer why they are Great.

Even so, in all the injury return skates I did over the years, or off-season workouts, these smaller practices always ended with the players on the ice, no matter the caliber, picking up the pucks.

Greatness starts with character.  You can’t teach character.

You can support it, model it, and provide space for it, but the people in life who become truly great at what they do either have it, or they don’t.

In life, like in hockey, some have success by all the statistical expressions.  The data says they are great.  They have the wealth, the positions, the status, the rank, the authority, or the All-Star jersey, but the way they treat people is inconsistent.

It reeks of agenda…….what’s in it for me?  They only treat others with respect when it suits them, when someone is watching, or when they just happen to be in the right frame of mind.

Truly great players as great humans treat people with respect and dignity no matter what the circumstances.  You can always tell a person’s true character by the way they treat the wait staff at a restaurant, or anyone in the service industry at large.

Great people do the little things that no one sees or even recognizes, simply because it’s the right thing to do.

Some people think those greats are weak, or soft.  Sadly, this is so far from the truth.  One of the greatest athletes of all time, Mohammad Ali, treated those around him with respect and dignity.  He was the consummate strategist, pushing his opponents through eloquent poetic jousts, but when it came to the regular Joe, he was kind.

In a time when this simple kindness and respect is bleeding from the character of many who we look toward for leadership, these simple overtures can reconnect us with what it takes to truly be GREAT!

Why does that matter?  Why does it matter to be great?

Good question, lots of people don’t care to be great, but I think everyone sees greatness, and recognizes it as a beacon of authority for how we deport ourselves.

Do we do whatever it takes, no matter what might be the outcome for others to be better than everyone else? To have more than everyone else?  Is that ok?

If it’s just about having more and being at the top, to me, that’s not greatness, that’s greed and excess.

Let’s celebrate those we believe have character in greatness, and place them in our highest regard.

The greats reach back toward us and help us rise with them.

18 Thoughts Before You Work in Professional or Elite Sport

“The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” 

– Steve Jobs

I recently posted a few times socially on the realities of working in professional or elite sports.  

It hit a nerve with many. I could tell that the readers, some of whom are still in professional sports, recognized the challenges and wanted to say the same thing, but it’s hard to say when you are in it.

I get it. 

This full-contact sports business world isn’t quite what one would expect.

So if you’re deciding if you want to work in professional or elite sport, here are some things to think about before you take the plunge.

1 – Do you know WHY? 

If you’re doing it because of the cache and the flex, then stop right now.  It’s not a good reason.

Professional or elite sports do have a real cache, no doubt, and you will experience many of the perks of being in it.  Travel, great hotels (not always), great food (not always), and many cool connections and experiences, but these things become a part of the day-to-day and soon wash into the background of your daily reality.

Unless you know your why, and you understand how it will express itself in such an environment, then you might be sadly disappointed.

Professional and elite sports are not as innovative as one would expect.  The reality is that at the highest levels of sports, there is less room, ironically, for risk. So if you are an innovator, or you wish to create change, be warned, this world is highly traditional and slow to move.

But at the same time, it is also a world of following the leader. So you will find yourself in situations where you are doing some things you don’t want to do, just because everyone else is doing it!

At the end of the day, I could go on and on in this area, but the quote I began this blog with is the key. 

The only way to do great work is to love what you do, and the only way to love what you is to do it, and if you are in an environment where you can’t express that, you will one day become disenchanted with the lavish eccentricities despite their cache!

2 – There are NO days off!

These days, in professional sports, it’s a year-long daily endeavor to support team and player success. You will get the odd day off from time to time, but it’s very hard to plan anything!

This is a truth that seems to be more and more demanding as the days pass.  Every sport is the same, off-season flows into pre-season, camps, and then the real season, and there is less and less of a defined respite from the demands of the daily grind.  

Even when one has time off, there is the need to invest in professional development or growth, and unfortunately, this can often get lost, leading one to become less and less innovative and cutting edge. 

Catch 22!

3 – You will work 80-hour work weeks, not even an exaggeration. 

This is just a fact, one that gets more and more challenging as the desire to have a family becomes a part of the equation.  Many people in professional sports are divorced, that’s just a fact. Relationships are hard to do, families are even harder to do. 

Be warned.

4 – Your salary might be good on paper, but when you factor in the hours, it’s not a great wage.  

The truth is, if you are making, let’s say for fun, $150,000 a year as a member of the performance or medical staff, let’s use 355 days as a true time reality and 10 hours a day as a simple example.  3,550 hours of work divided into $150,000 equals $42 an hour.  

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Add to the fact that to get these coveted jobs, one is at minimum, required to have a Masters degree, and more and more, a PhD.  

So you get paid this amazing wage to pay down years of student loans!

5 – You will get little or no feedback, and the feedback you do get will usually be negative.

It’s just the nature of the business, no one tells you that you are doing good work, the team only has success when it wins a championship, and that doesn’t happen often, so you need to understand how you find your sense of progress and value in an environment where there is limited feedback.

Most of the time, no feedback is good feedback.

6 – It’s often thankless work.  

The thank you’s are few and far between.  They do come, but you just can’t depend on them.

I think this one is pretty clear.  It’s just a truth.

7 – If you have kids and family, you will miss many important moments.

For those of you who do have or want kids, there is no way around it, you will miss a lot of their lives.  You can do your best, but you are “Married” to the team and if you wish to be great at what you do, that requires your full investment. 

Team first, family second, despite what the organization might espouse.  That is usually what they say before the season starts or at the team dinner at the end of the season. In the middle of it, there’s not much room for anything but getting the work done.

8 – It’s not about you, it’s about the player and the team.

You are expected to put yourself behind the team and the player as a priority.  This means finding time for personal growth, exercise, or rest is a full-contact sport in and of itself. You have to become dogged to make sure you take care of yourself in this demanding life.  

If you don’t, you will become unhealthy and alone.

9 – One day you might lose your job, and it might not have anything to do with the quality of your work.

You can be doing exceptional work. You can be a great part of the team.  But if a new management group comes in, and they like someone else.  That’s the end of the road.

I always used this metaphor to explain professional sports in the season and in the essence of it’s year-to-year.  

It’s like you are on a Japanese bullet train all year long, and then at the end of the season, or the end of your tenure with the team it’s like the train slams to a stop, you get off, and now it’s time to figure out where you stopped and what’s next.

These are just a few of my thoughts for you should you be contemplating the jump into professional or elite sport, or you have delusional thoughts about what it might be.

However, if you know why you want to do it, and you are prepared to give yourself to the work, professional and elite sports can be exceptionally rewarding and amazing. 

Here are some of my rules for making it a reality:

10 – Strive to be Great

Don’t just get good at what you do; strive to be great. That means going beyond your boundaries, overreaching, and exploring anything that can help the athletes you serve succeed.

As per above, this takes a significant amount of discipline because your self-development is always being challenged by your mandate to the team.  But you have to overcome it, and be the best version of you that you can be!

11 – Don’t be a One-Trick Pony 

Working in professional sports requires you to solve problems, and support things you didn’t go to school to do. You have to be versatile and able to contribute in a myriad of ways.

The more you know about other fields of practice, especially those you will work with, the better will be your conversations, and interactions, and the more you will find results. And this level of sport is ALL about results!

By the way, if you are a therapist or performance professional, Neuro Reconditioning is a great way to make yourself indispensable We teach and mentor fully online so you can build it into your work day, or you can join us in-person for mentorship – just saying!

12 – Live in the Background

Your job is not to be the center of attention or the focus; your job is to be invisible. You must keep the athlete focused on the task at hand.

This is not the space to create a personal brand or to shout out on social media what you are doing each day. In some ways, this is one of the challenges, which harkens back to my train metaphor. You won’t be keeping up with the world outside, and when the train stops, you might find yourself lost in a sea of external expertise.

These days, this item is becoming more and more challenging.  Just putting that there for your consideration.

13 – Never Stop Learning and Growing

You need to be diligent and tenacious about learning, exploring different ways, and being open to what’s possible.  Do not stagnate!

I said this once, and I will say it again, you must find a way to grow!

14 – Don’t be a Distraction

Keep your shit to yourself. Your stuff can never be a distraction to the athlete or the team.  That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk to people when you are in a bad place, it just means it shouldn’t be the athletes’ problem.

Far too often professionals in sports bring their drama into the room. It has no place in the room. You can’t become a distraction to the mission of the athlete or the team.

15 – Be a Student of the Game

Whatever sport you work with, know as much about it as you can, and talk to the athletes, the coaches, and the specialists, you can’t understand what your athletes do enough, never stop learning!

This, for me, is a golden rule. It doesn’t mean you need to be a former player or athlete, it just means your vocation is only as good as it’s ability to transcend into the sport itself.  

Own it!

16 – Don’t Get Stuck in Your Own Ways

Be curious, learn from your peers, and be open, you will never know it all!  

Know it all’s are not welcome in professional and elite sport. You will find yourself alone and unappreciated very quickly.  That doesn’t mean you should not be confident. These are not the same thing.

17 – Be a Team Player

Be willing to do anything and everything for the cause of the team or athletes’ success.  Help others succeed so you succeed.  

Noted previously, this does have ramifications.

18 – Don’t Protect Your Job, Do Your Job

If you protect your job you will not be innovative and creative, and you will eventually lose your job because you have not grown.

If you’re going to lose your job, do it by doing the best you can do!

Despite everything I’ve said before, if you are in it, be in it to win it and do it with all your heart and soul.  

The reward is in knowing you’ve brought your very best.

I hope these help anyone who wants to explore this world, it can be very rewarding, but it is also very demanding and challenging, so keep your eyes wide open!

What Does it Mean to Be Friends?

“Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.” 

– Woodrow Wilson, 28th President of the United States

I can’t speak for everyone, but friendship is a truly special part of being human. 

You choose your friends, you don’t choose your family.  You get to experience things with friends, and decide if the experience is a good one, or a bad one, and if you want to keep experiencing with them, or just move on.

You don’t have to be friends, you choose to be friends.

Some friends are in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  We don’t always know when a friendship will dissolve or change, but the ones that we really cherish and value, well they seem to always cycle back into our lives.

Those are the friendships that when you see the person again, it’s like time never passed. You are right back where you were last, and you are talking about everything and anything.

They know you, and you know them, despite the time that has passed.

The friendship between Canada and the United States could easily be described in this same construct. Settled by similar people and countries, pre-populated by rich indigenous cultures, these two countries constructed themselves on very different paths.

One country adapted and adopted the heritage and cultural differences of its forefathers, creating a rich hybrid of those two nations even though it caused great struggle and challenge throughout its history.

The other, created a new republic, preferring to distance itself from the roots of those who came to these new lands, in so doing creating the fabric of what would one day be a place much of the world looked up to and admired.

The War of 1812 between the US and Great Britain with the colony of Upper Canada was the last time these two would-be friends collided.  A scuffle now mostly forgotten by most, it wasn’t at the time.

But since that time, these two countries, as they self explored, and reiterated themselves always looked at each other as friends.  At times quite close, and at others rather distant.  But friends just the same.

We could fight our battles with one another on the field, or at the ice rink.  We got pretty good at giving each other a slap every so often in an international sporting event. 

But when serious harm came to one of us, a hurricane of drastic proportion, ice storms, or wildfires, we were always there for each other. Geopolitical entanglements usually require our collaborative investment.  We mostly saw eye to eye.

Just like friends in a schoolyard, when a scrap ensued, we knew what side we would side with, and despite our size, we Canadians always found a way to support our much bigger and stronger buddies.

We don’t get up after the fight and talk about equity.  I beat three guys, and you just got one.  We just understand we do right by being there for each other.

Have we had our disputes?

Of course, what friends haven’t had their moments.  But like most friends, we dust off, recognize where we went wrong, and figure out a way to re-invent our relationship.

When we win the hockey game, we still shake hands.

Friendship, after all, is the only thing that will really hold the world together.  Some friendships are stronger than others, some more like acquaintances than real friends.

That’s not the US and Canada.

I guess that’s what makes this moment in history much harder to fathom or imagine.  It’s not what we do. We might scrap with each other from time to time, but we don’t do it to harm one another, more like brothers, we do it to remember where we stand.

Together.

Nothing about our differences and challenges can’t be discussed or negotiated, but it seems despite that truth, right now, there is no choice in the matter.

We are not together in the schoolyard, but looking at each other as though we’ve suddenly become enemies…….

The schoolyard is not a safe place, and yet here we find each other walking alone.

All I can say is, why?

And I can’t seem to answer that question.

It’s like your best friend doesn’t want to talk to you anymore, they just want to yell at you and call you names.  WTF is going on?!

There are definitely seasons in life, sometimes things look pretty bleak in the winter, and then one wonderful spring morning, all is forgotten. 

I find myself hoping this IS just a season.

Who Have We Become?

“Good moral character is the first essential in a man.”

– George Washington

To be accurate to the original quote, I chose not to change “men” to “human beings.” However, this truth should include everyone.

Far too many people are eroding this foundational property of the human spirit daily. It’s become fashionable to defame, deride, blame, accuse, and insult others.

It’s become too easy, maybe even too rewarding, to be negative, accusatory, or shout profanity. 

Character defamation is a sport now.

This is not exclusive to one side or another side of society, as some would wish us to believe.  The fabric of vulgarity and dishonesty flows like a golden thread through far too many—especially those in leadership of any sort.

We are far too quick to forget the lessons learned in times when humanity has reached a precipice of character.

Often, during a time like the Second World War, when evil reached a zenith, our history books portray the evil of the losers and the goodness of those who prevailed.

However, that is not the real truth.

There was evil everywhere.  There was no perfect side.  Most certainly, those who perpetrated such destruction, torture, and atrocity upon so many innocent souls have become figures in the representation of the worst of human nature, as they should.

But thread throughout this betrayal of human character were sub-stories of rape, torture, malfeasance, and abject evil that those who would one day be painted as the victor perpetrated upon those who would one day be declared the loser.

But the outcome, the sense of it, was that those who fought on the good side did so under the pretense that what they stood for was freedom and some fabric of moral character.

Being somehow better than those who represented the worst in us.  By winning, this belief was seemingly codified in our sociological fabric.

After the war, an almost perfect image of our mind’s belief of what would/should be good and right was painted into the cultural mosaic of the homes, furniture, cars, and lifestyles of the time. 

Television became the sociological representation of our perfect lives, creating perfect families and people. “Leave it to Beaver”, “The Andy Griffith Show”, “My Three Sons”……..everything was good, or so it seemed.

But so much perfection led to backlash and the sociological upheaval of the 60s.  We aren’t really that good, it’s just not possible to be that good.  But we like to believe we are better than the worst version of ourselves.

In the ’60s and ’70s, the tug of war between good and bad characters became more evident, Watergate shone a light on the temple of righteousness that had been politics to that point.  There is before Nixon and after Nixon, and these times are not the same.

Our attention was focused on the evil that would be communism and mother Russia (The Soviet Union at the time), there always has to be an enemy. Someone or something who’s character is worse than ourselves otherwise we have to look within, and that’s not what we do.

The other side is worse; they do bad better than us.  We do bad for a reason; they do it for something else. Our bad is a necessary evil; theirs is questionable at best.  This keeps us focused on what matters: our sense that we are better than, or more than.

Funny how as we ascend through Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, it is the rare character who reaches back and pulls others up.  More often than not, we reorient and distance ourselves.  We look down upon them as though they are not once us.  They are to be restrained or constrained.  They should not be in our environment.  We are better than them.

Television and movies portray us but also make us believe there is always a happy ending, or at least the fantasy of good and bad could be played out in stories rather than in our day to day.

Housed within our television diet was the media messaging, ever-shifting under our feet.  Slowly, insidiously these media networks became finger pointers, judgers, and drivers of our preferred narrative. If we had a bias, and we all have bias, then these networks and their ever-growing list of influencing figures began to support our beliefs.

Those who didn’t, well they became the left of the right, or the far right and the far left.  Anything they said was not worth listening to. It was all a lie. No truth to be found here.

Even then, we had no way to respond.  We were forced to listen and talk amongst ourselves. We weren’t the problem, those in the television box were the problem.

And then came social media and the smartphone and everything has changed. 

Now, those who have more can be shown to be less. Those who have less can influence their own.  The power balance has shifted.  In so doing, we’ve once again lost our way.

Now we see the character within all of us, the thing we try to suppress, but unfortunately exists in everyone.

People can say, without real retribution, what they are actually thinking.

I was talking to a friend the other day about a politician I thought was being maligned unfairly.  He had made mistakes, he did things I didn’t think made sense, but I believed that his heart was in the right place. I questioned why people were so easily prone to vitriol and disdain for him on social media.

My friend said to me, “I think it…..I just don’t say it. I agree with what those people say about him in my mind, I just don’t say it out loud.”

Wow……and there it was.  What we see today is a vehicle for expressing what is being said inside the minds of so many of us.

Perhaps this is why organized religion exists because we need a deity to tell us how to behave.  Something better than us to extol the virtues of what we should be instead of what we are.

And yet, once we organize our religious beliefs, there we go again: us versus them.  One is better than another; one viewpoint is so much more good than the others.

Oh, and then, as though our minds can’t handle the necessity to be good, those who lead our religious faith perpetrate upon the weakness of those who stand in community with them.  We don’t have to look too far to see what ungodliness has been imposed upon so many souls unwittingly disguised by those in the purest of white linen cloth.

So it’s not about the right or the left, or the in-between.  These are belief systems that free people have the right to explore and express, for that in and of itself is real freedom.

But the character part of the equation is our ability to hear each other’s views without judgment, to dance the delicate dance of compromise, and to find something that can work for all. Idyllic as it may be, this is the essence of character.

Stand for what you believe, but recognize this comes with the restraint of consideration of one’s fellow human being, not with their submission.

It’s a tough slog to create a civilized society, but the other option is anarchy and chaos as an outcome.

The central tenant of a civilized society, as the first president of the United States once said, is a human’s character.

This is what we need to find once again in a time where so much seems out of line.

Choose Love Not Fear

“You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.”  

– Jim Carrey

I recently listened to Jim Carrey’s commencement address at the Maharishi University of Management graduation ceremony. 

Not the one that is edited and reformatted for maximum drama on quick social feeds, but the one that lasts close to 30 minutes and takes the listener through a real journey of self-reflection and purpose. 

If you’ve never listened to Jim Carrey’s full commencement speech, it’s worth your time.

https://youtu.be/oPtftLhSnlY?si=2RKn-wwIevdryii3

Jim is a profound thinker, and his challenges with depression and mental health have been rather public at times.  But he’s not afraid of that, because it all contributes to this truth we all seek, the question of why we matter.  Why we are here…….

“The effect you have on others is the most valuable currency because everything you gain in life will rot and fall apart and all that will be left of you is what was in your heart.” JC

The speech is full of really valuable thoughts and stories. It is a tapestry of experiences that have revealed to Jim over time why he was meant to do what he has done.

After telling the story of how he watched his father make a choice not to follow his dreams, and toil and eventually fail doing what he disliked simply out of a sense of responsibility, he shared his wish for himself, the quote with which I began this post.

Afterward, he reveals an incredible piece of art, 20+ feet high and at least 10 feet wide with vibrant colors and an explosive light in the shape of a cross that cuts the images behind into various caricatures of the ego.

“Your Ego will not let you rest until you have left an indelible mark on the earth. Until you have achieved immortality. How tricky is this ego that tempts us with something we already possess?” JC

We are already enough, nothing we achieve or accumulate will make us more.

He points out that our ego misguides us, and takes us on paths intentionally just to avoid our truth, as though our truth will somehow disappoint. When in reality, it is everything we need.

“Relax and dream up and great life”, he says, egging on the graduating class to simply allow themselves to listen to their hearts and imagine the possibilities.

“As far as I can tell, it’s just about letting the universe know what you want, and working toward it, while letting go of how it comes to pass.” JC

We seek to control, especially what we can’t control.  Instead, we should simply control our effort and creativity, focusing them on the faith that something good will come of it.

“Hope walks through the fire, and faith leaps over it.” JC

Find what makes you sing inside and never stop singing that song. It’s what you are meant for……

“Choose love and don’t ever let fear turn you against your playful heart.” JC

Have faith…..

Stewarding Transformation

“Be the change you wish to see in the world”  

– Unknown

As a listener of the LYM podcast and a reader of this blog, you are, most likely, coaching, teaching, managing, or mentoring in some way or another.

Even if you are not, there’s a likelihood you will be sometime in the future. The natural progression of life is to chase and explore, to plant your flag of expertise, to make your mark, and then to begin to share and transcend.

It’s the natural evolution of life.

That being said, so many of us struggle with recognizing this transformation. You don’t see yourself changing or acknowledging it until you have some revelational experience.

Many struggle with imposter syndrome, feeling un-ready to share or reach higher because they don’t feel they deserve or are prepared for it.

The problem is that you most likely have never been taught to have a cyclical reflective practice that helps you acknowledge your growth.  You just keep working hard, doing more, and hoping one day you will arrive at some aha moment where everything reveals itself.

But that day never comes.

It never comes because you have no formal strategy for recognizing your change.  It just always feels like you are the same as you were.  Maybe you are doing more things, or capable of doing more, but you don’t feel it.  You don’t own it.

Or maybe you do, so you accept that promotion or take that new role, but then suddenly, you feel ill-prepared and start worrying if you can pull it off! 

To feel ready, to know you have it in you requires a strategy for recognizing change. A positive proof bucket.

Being the change you wish to see requires a recognition of the change you experience. If you take time each day, each week, each month, and each year to reflect practically on the things you have explored and experienced, taking stock, you will soon begin to “see” yourself change.

Big or small, record it all. Keep track of what you have done.  See your transformation in real-time. 

You will consciously steward your transformation.

If you are doing this, if you are deeply aware of your growth and evolution, then your responsibility is to support others in this endeavor.  To share your approach and to help steward the transformation of those around you.

Be the change you wish to see.

See the change you have achieved.

Guide the change others seek to explore.

Slow and Steady

“It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop” 

– Confucious

Another New Year begins and with it, all the expectation that comes with 365 days of potential.

It’s said that we often believe we can accomplish less than we should in the span of a year, and more than we should in just one week.

We place too much expectation on the day-to-day, and not enough on the aggregate of many days of work and effort. By doing so, we find ourselves disappointed in the momentary constraint, versus motivated by the over-reaching progress only time permits.

The solution is not found in setting goals, as much as goals can be valuable, and provide a target on which to place our focus.  Goals tend to objectify our process, but they also leave a great deal of space between the start and the finish.  Focused solely on goals, our day-to-day can often seem impossibly slow.

But slow is faster than it appears. 

Slow is the essence of progress, and progress can be challenging to touch. Real progress is in incremental change, not radical change. Radical change is obvious to the eye of the beholder, but it always comes at a cost of confusion and chaos. 

But slow change isn’t inspiring, it doesn’t come with fireworks it doesn’t shock the system. So, for us to embrace change slowly over time, we need some way to sense that it’s happening. We need a way to feel it, recognize it, and believe it has happened.

That’s why regular self-reflection is imperative.  Minding the gap is essential.  The turtle finds just as much satisfaction in realizing it is just crossing the yellow line on the road as it does when it touches the gravel of the opposite side.

Through looking back at where we’ve come from, we realize just how much progress has been made.  We see the progress reveal itself through the progress exposed by reflection.

We can celebrate this incremental change, rather than admonish our current set of circumstances.  Be in the moment, but use the past to inform yourself of your growth, and the future to imagine the possibilities.

This is the art of the self-reflective practice.  It clarifies your evolution.

And evolution is our purpose while we remain earthbound, however slow it might seem.

Keep the faith.