These days, perhaps just because there is so much more news telling us so, we seem to experience tragedy almost daily. We’ve lost our sensitivity, we have become somewhat numb.

Tragedy has become the grey noise in the background, things that fill the editorial content calendars of all the 24-hour news desks around the globe; tsunamis, earthquakes, school shootings, wars, mass casualty events of every sort.

It’s someone else’s problem.  But it isn’t really, if you are involved.

What does that mean, involved?

Does it mean that you know someone, you are related to someone, you knew them once, you’ve met them, or maybe you’ve just heard of them? 

Maybe there’s a kinship of experience, something you’ve done, just like the person who’s been lost or injured.

If you are a member of a community, connected to other human beings with whom you share a common bond, you are involved.

We are all individuals, we seek our basis for differentiation. Clothes, accessories, material goods, jobs, tattoos, friends, homes, cars, and so much more, these are the symbols of status, but also the symbols of definition.

Who am I or who am I not?

To be the same is somehow to be branded insignificant, so in our quest to be significant, we accumulate and connect with material items and statements of individuality.

But material goods fade, and in turn require renewed emphasis on the next item of business, a never-ending quest.

However, when we realize that our personal growth is connected directly to the empowerment of contribution, especially contribution to our community, that’s where things get interesting.

This is where philanthropists of certain ilk get it wrong.

A person who espouses to be giving away so much wealth in order to help the underprivileged is often left empty and filling the void with still more donations.

Ultimately the truth of a philanthropic life is giving back to the community with whom you are connected selflessly. 

This connection can start in some instances early in life, but even when it doesn’t, establishing a path of contribution and an alignment with real human connection is the ticket to real fulfillment as one matures through life.

The unfettered love of community is the anchor in our lives, at least for those of us fortunate to have a community around us.

Much of this is the centre point of the success of Facebook, where anyone who wants can create a community of connection, or can create an on-line product or service and market, promote, and even deliver it on-line to a community.

Facebook provides the soil for community when used well. However, along with much of social media, FB has also created the side effect of isolation.

We are alone in our community instead of truly connected to it. We now live in virtual communities where there is emotional and intellectual connection, but what seems to be missing is the true mutual suffering of failure, and joy of success that used to occur in physical communities.

Physical community is the real deal. When people suffer and succeed together, build and create together, support one another, and take turns doing so, a bond is forged that is empowering. It empowers each individual to reach higher, or to overcome adversities that alone may seem impossible.

That is the power of real community.

The downside of community is our attachment to it, our fear of being different, separated, or ostracized from it.  And unfortunately, social media communities have made this all too easy to make happen.  One damaging post, statement, or image can result in the true dissolution of someone’s connection to their community.

This has been the unfortunate side-effect forced upon our children who are even more influenced by the attachment to their social community before they have suffered the slings and arrows of adulthood.

Adults are not immune, quite a lot of the mental illness we see today leading to mass shootings or terror events can be traced back to the person’s disenfranchisement from society at large.  Alone, lost, and disempowered, one seeks to find some significance in the trauma of their own end.

Even still, when such tragedy occurs, the communities with deep roots of connection are the ones that somehow find the silver lining of “one for all” that doesn’t replace the lost and injured, but consoles the pain and suffering of the moment, and the moments to come.

We are better when we are a member of a community, individual in our character and aspirations, but aligned on our concerns and connection.

Finding and forging your connection to community is an essential part of life, and the more you allow yourself to commit to the messiness of social connection, the more you will thrive in life and love.

Your life is a beautiful opportunity to be whatever you want to be.

 Unfortunately, there will be times when it doesn’t feel like that, people will tell you that you can’t, or you won’t, or it’s not the right time.

The world will seem to conspire to stop you or hold you back.

But, realize now instead of when you are way older, that what others tell you isn’t important, it’s what you tell yourself.

If you want to do something, be something, or try something, it’s your prerogative, your opportunity, and your making.

You get to tell your story, no one else.

There will be times when it’s hard, sometimes even really hard, but that’s the beauty of life. 

Doing hard things shapes you and makes you stronger.

Don’t be afraid of doing hard things. 

But doing hard things you love, because you’ve chosen to do them, that’s what life is really all about.

As you grow and learn about yourself, realize the things that make you smile and sing inside, these are the things, even when they are hard and difficult to achieve, that you will overcome.

In the end, life is all about growth. Becoming a better version of you.  

Nothing is more satisfying than hearing the inner voices that inspire your creativity, quieting the ones that tell you not to do it, and taking the leap of faith that all will become clear.

Always believe in you. I know that I do.

Best,

Dad

Have you heard this line before, “Don’t worry about what other people think, it’s none of your business anyway”?

There’s most certainly a great deal of truth in this statement, but I do think there is an aspect of the statement worth  a deeper discussion and consideration.

I don’t believe anyone should “worry” or ruminate on what others think of them.  Worry is a poor use of your imagination.

I love the acronym that my friend, Tony Blauer (a world renown self-defense expert) has coined for FEAR – False Expectations Appearing Real.  Worry is the overt expression of our brains fixation with false expectations and predicted outcomes.

Unfortunately, our brains are wired to predict, our very neuro-physiology sets it up like this because our brains number one job is to keep us alive.  

So predication is a first principle of our brain, it needs to assess every situation and compare it to what it knows, has experienced, or believes, to assess whether something that is about to happen, or could happen might result in our demise.

But let’s face it, not much of what might happen to us is really life threatening! 

Unfortunately the imposition of stress, our state of mind, our energy levels, our lack of sleep, and the daily pressures of life change the neurochemical profile of our brain, and so some things that aren’t really life threatening get treated as though they are, and worrying is an output expression of this state of being.

So the more we recognize that we are worrying, the more we become aware of it, the more we can dispense with it, reframe our focus, and recognize how we are giving into false expectation.

This is particularly true of our worry of what others think.  Most of the time, we are worrying about something that isn’t even happening.  

How often do you actually think about what others are doing, focus on their behaviours, choices, or decisions?  Not much right?  Maybe a barstool conversation, or  a corner of the room discussion, but really, how much time do you devote to the everyday activities of your friends or colleagues?

Even when it does become a discussion point, how long does it really occupy your time?  Your ego is fooling you into believing what other people think matters.  What you are doing doesn’t matter to others, and the truth is, it really isn’t being noticed.  They have bigger fish to fry, and so do you.

So where I diverge somewhat with this idea is that although we should not “worry” about what others think of us, we should “care” about how what we are doing or saying is being interpreted.

We should care when what others think of us isn’t what we intend to express.  If our intentions are being misunderstood, then we need to consider how we are expressing ourselves.

We shouldn’t worry, we shouldn’t become fixated on what others think, but if we are being misinterpreted, misunderstood, or mistaken, we need to recognize that what we are putting out in the world isn’t what we intend.

After all, we don’t want our intentions to be misconstrued or misunderstood.  We would like people to see us for who we are and who we wish to represent.

An interesting task to do for yourself is the “Unique Abilities Audit”.  I stole this from John Berardi’s book “Change Maker”.  It’s an excellent self-examination task, and how you use it to compare your findings to those of people who count in your circle of influence is the key to its success.

Try answering all the questions below to the best of your ability. Then send the revised versions in the second thread to 5-7 people you trust in your circle of influence who you believe will give you honest answers.

Let them know you are trying to get better and grow and that you would appreciate their candid response.

1 – What are my unique abilities? What do I feel sets me apart?

2 – What makes me get up in the morning, and get excited?

3 – What do people count on me for?

4 – What do I think is my “blind spot” , something I don’t always recognize that holds me back?

5 – What are the things I am most passionate about?

6 – What have been my greatest accomplishments so far?

7 – Who do I admire? Why? What can I learn from their example?

Questions to be sent to your circle of influence:

1 – What do you see as my unique abilities? What do you feel sets me apart?

2 – What do you think I am passionate about?

3 – What do you count on me for?

4 – What do you see as “my way” of doing things?

5 – What if anything, impresses you about me, or leaves an impression upon you?

6 – What do you think is my “blind spot” , something I don’t always recognize that holds me back?

It’s important to canvas people who matter to you, they’ve been with you through thick and thin, they can be honest with you, and they’ve seen enough of you to give you real perspective.  Try to ask a mix of people from friends, family, colleagues, or teammates so you get a solid composition of input.

When you’ve completed this task, and you’ve received your responses, where you want to recognize you should care about what others think is when people don’t see you as you see yourself, or a majority of the feedback provides an insight on a trait or behaviour you express that you have not intended to express.

What is important is that you are understood as you would wish to be understood.  If the prevailing view is that you are not as you would wish to be, then it’s time to do some introspection and internal work.

Our objective is not to be what others expect us to be, our objective is to be who we expect ourselves to be.  Are we living authentically, and is this being interpreted as we would wish?

This is your question worth asking.

What does it mean to be the GOAT.

The greatest of all time.

How many of those really exist and what can we learn from them?

Names like Jack Nicklaus, Micheal Jordan, Derek Jetter, Tiger Woods, Pele, Mohamed Ali, Louis Hamilton, Tom Brady, Bill Russell, Diego Maradona, Marcel Hirscher, Martina Navratilova, Jonah Lomu, Michael Schumacher, Hank Aaron, Wayne Gretzky, Roger Federer, Lionel Messi, Richie McCaw, Ingemar Stenmark, Lindsey Vonn, Serena Williams, Novak Djokovic, all household names from the annals of sports history.

I am sure you have names in your head I have not mentioned, there are many, many greats over the course of all sports history, and I’ve been intentionally biased to the history I have experienced. 

There are names I do not know who have impressed in other parts of the globe, those who have left their mark on more then just their fans.

But even if we were to compile a list, the list would really not be that large, considering how many people have competed in sports over the years, and how many even do it more recreationally.

Being the very best, being the GOAT, well that’s a place reserved for a very special few.

Why am I writing about this subject you might be asking?

I’ve been blessed to experience the ascent of a GOAT. 

I’ve watched one grow from a young athlete of 17 years old, into a legend at 30.  The scary thing is how much more time he actually has in front of him when he has already ascended to the status of GOAT at just 30 years old?!

Mikael Kingsbury is the winningest Mogul skier in history. 

He just won his 87th World Cup Moguls race breaking the record held by Ingemar Stenmark (Alpine Skier) for winningest Male skier in history.  Only another GOAT, Mikaela Shiffrin has more Gold Medal podiums at 95!

To put that in perspective, the next closest Mogul skier in WC victories doesn’t even have half that number!!

So what have I learned watching a GOAT acend his mountain?

I can’t speak for every one of those listed above, or for those I have not listed, but here are the things I believe to be intrinsic to the nature of such beasts.

Passion

I don’t think you get to the top of anything unless it is your passionate pursuit.  Some might say obsessive, but I actually believe obsession is the negative expression of passion.  Passion is ALL-IN, but it’s all-in with a recognition that you are not alone, you need others to succeed, and you can’t ignore them or disrespect them in your pursuit of success.

I don’t know that all those listed above were able to live simply with passion and not obsession, but I do know the ones who discovered the difference along the way built exceptional lives in retirement from sport.  Those who did not often struggled to make that transition.

Consistency

You just won’t get there if you operate in fits and starts.  There is a monotony to greatness, a “do it just because” attitude mixed with a “gotta be connected” drive. Every day there is some connection to the things that need to be done to get better, and you just do them despite how mundane some of those things might be.

1% Better

After consistency rests the target of that consistency, always reaching a little higher. Always recognizing that you can be better tomorrow than you were today. You might not always be better, but you believe it matters.  You recognize that when you’re sitting still others are catching up. You always do your best, even if your best is 80% of what is actually possible.  You do the best you have now.

Commitment

There’s a reason for everything you do and everything has a reason.  You know it, you accept it, and you are resolved to doing it.  The question marks are left for right or left turns, not U-turns.  You keep pressing forward, even when it seems that you might have slipped backward.

Joy

This is the sticky stuff, the magic of the GOAT.  The real GOAT is participating with joy, even if this is not overtly expressed, it’s the feeling in their heart that is simply filled by being in it. You see it in their face, even in the hardest of times.  They are filled with the joy of playing and competing.

Inspiration

The real GOAT, even if they participate in individual sports, pull others up, make others rise. They inspire all those around them to be their very best, Nicklaus had Watson, Ali had Frazier, Gretzky had Limeux, Russell had Chamberlin, and others in that list simply inspired whole teams and  leagues around them.

Professionalism

The real GOATs carry themselves with a character of professional decorum, they treat those around them with respect, they do their best to show up even when they don’t feel their best.  They are by no means perfect, but they do understand what they represent, how they represent, and how they inspire, especially those who one day wish to be like Mike.

This is what I have witnessed in the ascension of one young Mikael Kingsbury to the status of GOAT.

Should you wish to be your very best, these traits will serve you well, for they are universally shared within and aside from sport.

Get after your inner GOAT.

I know not how much time I have left, but that time will be spent with those I love for those that matter, including me.

Recently, I took the afternoon with my wife to go to a local spa and just give ourselves two hours of recovery time and connection. Time for me to be still.

We work hard just like everyone else. We needed that time.

We didn’t need to talk, we just took time together, held hands and hugged, and let our minds wander in our stillness.

You see, it’s in the stillness that we find our truth, when we let our mind wander and observe and listen.

Scary you say?

Yes, it can be, your mind loves to live in the negative, but at the same time, if you just give your mind the time to unwind the ball of yarn, quite often you’ll see and hear the solutions you need, or the truth you need to recognize.

We clutter our lives with things to do, projects to complete, useless conversations, media of every sort.  

When do you allow your mind to just run free?  

I liken it to having more and more tabs open and programs running on your computer, eventually you begin to notice how slow it’s running, it glitches, or downright crashes!

Stillness, internal conversation, and even boredom are necessary “reboots” for your brain, just like quality sleep.  

But if you always ignore or avoid this stillness, you avoid the freedom it can ignite to really explore yourself and what is truly possible within you.

These last few years, I’ve been running a program, on my own, and Jaime and I run one together, to help people do better for themselves.

I’ve been struck by just how hard it is to get people, especially those in human performance, to actually take the time to take care of themselves.  Even an hour a week seems an inordinate amount of time to simply dedicate to you.

It’s not a judgment, but an observation, a conundrum of sorts.

Here we rest in a field dedicated to supporting the high performance of others, and yet we struggle with doing right by ourselves.  

Even if you aren’t in the field of human performance, it’s not unusual for most people to just not do right by themselves.

We won’t give ourselves permission, and by covert inference, we eliminate it from all those who matter most around us.

Our health suffers, our families suffer, and we suffer silently.

Seems like mental health is a daily conversation these days. But the secret doesn’t reside in mico-manging the outcomes of our lives, but in the day-to-day dedication to doing right by us and by those who matter.

Despite all the strategies, books, and programs that exist, sometimes it’s just the simple gift to yourself that will make the real difference.

A daily dose of stillness, a weekly moment alone, a monthly spa day, these are all just opportunities to let your mind go free, and in turn give it the rest and reboot it needs to succeed.

You deserve it.

A river is a beautiful and natural example of the power of structure and flow.  In order for the water to produce change and drive growth of the many elements of nature that depend on it’s power, it must constantly be moving.

But without the structure of the banks, the rocks and the natural terrain on which the water moves, it would remain a stagnant pool, and eventually dry up from the power of the sun and wind.

The structure and the flow dynamics create the successful outcome.

But this ideal doesn’t just exist in nature as we experience it.  Structure and flow dynamics are an essential part of the success of any human being’s journey in life.

Structures and traditions in life are anchor points that you can push off from, and land on, each time you take a risk, reach higher, try something new, or just get after it!

That being said, everyone needs differing amounts of “flux” or “flow” in their life so that they feel alive. The same thing day after day becomes mundane and empty, so injecting moments of opportunity, change, and adrenaline rush into your life can expose the possibilities, and overcome inertia.

Everyone has a different threshold for how challenging or off the hook such experiences need to be to keep life stimulating, that’s for you to expose, but exploring and experiencing is the key to knowing what works and what doesn’t. 

Avoiding serves no purpose.

That said, you need a grounding point, a foundation from which to fly and these grounding points rest in the type of structures and traditions that you hold true and honour in your life regularly.

Perhaps its beginning the day with the newspaper, checking your social media, journaling, or waking up to a hot cup of coffee or a tea. 

Or, maybe it’s finishing the day by counting your wins, a good stretch session, or a great conversation with your partner, these structures provide us with rest stops and points to ponder or simply be empty of thought. 

These structures create points of embarkation for the next adventure you might choose.

Traditions like bringing the entire family together for Sunday dinner, booking a vacation in the same location each year on the same dates, talking on the phone once a week with distant loved ones, or gathering the clan for special holidays are strong anchors that keep the family and those you care about close and connected.

Its important to determine which structures and traditions in your life bring you a sense of foundation. 

If the opportunity to sit for dinner with your partner and children (if you have them) allows you to feel better connected to them, then ensure that this part of your life remains steadfast. 

If journaling on a daily basis creates clarity for you, then make this a sacred pastime. The better you understand your fundamental foundation for success, the more you will thrive when you know your foundation is solid.

However, when structures and traditions in your life are interrupted don’t panic. Realize that this too is part of life, there will be moments when our foundation elements must be re-patterned or revised, go with it, not against it. 

Experience it, evaluate it, and see if there is anything that comes of your new day that perhaps might be incorporated in your program.

Experimentation creates reflection, learning and revision. That’s how we get better and better.

Whatever your traditions, identify them and honour them as they will provide you with the foundation from which to fly!

Do you struggle with this idea of knowing your purpose?

Like many, maybe the thought of it makes you frustrated because you can’t describe it, or name it?

Or maybe you’re like a precious few who just seem to “know”.

I guess the biggest issue either way is this sense that it is a thing……..a noun……this is my “Purpose”.

But purpose is not a noun, it’s a verb, it’s a way of being, doing, acting, exploring, creating, manifesting.

It’s not stationary, a destination, or a point of embarkation……it’s constant, evolving, and empowering.

It’s a compass that directs you, but not a map that confines you.

On the podcast I routinely share from a book I picked up many years ago now called “The Day You Were Born”. It’s written by a woman by the name of Linda Joyce.  I’ve actually interviewed her in one of my early episodes.

Linda is an astrologer and despite what you might think of astrology, she’s made a career out of exploring it, and in this book she artfully integrates her astrology practice with the practice of numerology.

The reason I bought the book (I’ve told this story a bunch of times on the podcast, so if you’ve heard it you can skip the next few lines) was that when I started perusing the book at a store one day back in 2001, I flipped to the section on Sagatarius, and found Sag 3, (I am born on December 3rd, but it can also be the combination of 12, 21, or 30) and I started to read it.

Linda always starts with a description of your purpose.  Then she includes just after the purpose description, a quote.

My favorite quote has always been, “Some men see things as they are and ask, Why? I dream things that never were, and say, Why not?” It was originally spoken by the author George Bernard Shaw, but Bobby Kennedy made it famous as his own.

I love the possibility of that quote.  The purpose it infers.

And that was the quote she connected to Sag 3…….Wow!

I was floored, how could this be? I had that exact quote taped to the top of my desktop computer, what are the chances?!

So I re-read the purpose (which I had already been struck by).

“To use your courage, strength, and perseverance to go beyond the limitations of the thoughts and ideas of those in power, creating your own unique beliefs that challenge the old and uplift the spirits of those who meet you.”

Gives me chills just to write it again.

It’s been the way of me for as long as I can remember.  I always see the possibility of change, how can it be done better, what is the opportunity?  My father told me he thought I was like a turtle, slowly, steadily making my world (persevering).  

I absolutely love how it expresses my purpose. Like I said at the beginning, it’s not a destination or a thing, it’s an abstract expression of being.  How I deport myself, what I move towards, what I mean to create, it’s all about sharing my unique beliefs so that others can be inspired.

Linda then goes on to describe what it is to be and live this purpose, what it feels and looks like. She uses stories to explore each character.  She even gets into what the personality expression might be if it is driven from ego or from spirit, and she aligns with characters of history (mine were Winston Churchill and Mark Twain).

I share these with the guests on the LYM podcast, and I have to say that 8 times out of 10 the person is literally dumbfounded.  They can’t believe the synergy with their life and spirit.

Now I don’t for one moment believe this is the ultimate truth, it’s really just an expression of the human spirit and all that influences “who” we are and “who” we become.

But what I do love about it as a starting point is the essence of it’s meaning. It’s not a purpose, like some defined thing you are meant to do, become, or have. It’s a way of living your life.

How do you feel you should be carrying yourself? What means something to you? What do you care about? Who do you care about?

The more you explore the values you wish to expose, the way you wish to be interpreted, and the meaning of your work, how you wish to be remembered, the closer you will be to knowing your purpose.

Wishing you your greatest gift.

I recently heard a quote, shared by a colleague, from Kirby Smart, the Head Coach of the Georgia Bulldog’s football team.

He was holding a press conference, and he began by saying that there is a great deal of education and literature available in the area of leadership.  

But he wanted to expose an area that he’s rarely seen written about.  

The dark side of leadership. The human cost of being a leader.

He shared these three truths of the dark side that I thought were extremely valuable and thought provoking.  

When you find yourself in a leadership role:

1 – You will have to make hard decisions that negatively affect people you care about

2 – You will be disliked despite your best attempt to do the best for the most

3 – You will be misunderstood and you won’t always be able to have a chance to explain yourself

Ultimately, leadership is a lonely place.  

Those in leadership roles don’t always realize until they are stationed in such positions, or find themself being looked towards for leadership, that this dark side exists.

You can establish feedback mechanisms, opportunity for those you lead to provide insight and viewpoint, but ultimately you need to make the decisions that count.

I heard another quote from Pittsburgh Steeler Head Coach Mike Tomlin recently, when asked by a sideline reporter; who does he go to for trust and advice when adversity hits his locker room?  

He said, “Increasingly over the years, No one. As long as I’ve been in this job and the longer that I continue to be in this job, I’ve learned that leadership is a lonely thing. People can make suggestions, but I make the decisions and I get compensated to tow the load.”

What I infer in this quote is a sense that he most likely does “hear” and “take” feedback and viewpoint, but ultimately, he has to make the decision based on a number of factors that not everyone in his circle of influence is privy to, or understands.

He has to make the decisions even though he knows not everyone will agree with him, or like what he decides. He has accepted that fate.

Ultimately, the great leaders surround themselves with good people they can trust to make good decisions on their behalf, but even good people make mistakes, or do the wrong thing at the wrong time, and it costs the organization or the team.

Real leadership means you don’t defer the responsibility, you take the responsibility. As Coach Tomlin says, you are likely being compensated for just that responsibility. But taking responsibility might also mean releasing or reprimanding someone who made a mistake.

Being in a leadership position doesn’t make it easy, or comfortable to have to reprimand or perhaps even fire someone you have come to trust and value because the situation calls for such a decision.

Ultimately we all hope that others respect us when we lead, but we also need to become clear that respect and being liked are not the same thing.  You hope to be respected for how you carry yourself, how you take responsibility, and how you carry out your mission.  

But not everyone will like you, or like your decisions.

As coach Smart so eloquently acknowledges in his third observation, you won’t always get a chance to explain yourself.  

It takes time, requires context and often a large amount of “data” to clearly understand or explain a decision, and most leaders don’t get the time or opportunity to share this information. 

In many instances, even if they were granted the time and attention, they could not reveal certain facts as such revelation might cause harm or be misconstrued.

Better sometimes to just grin and bear it.

Leadership is not for the faint of heart, and it requires a thick skin.  Leadership is hard.

When you decide to rise to the responsibility of leadership, recognize there will be much reward, but there will be equal or greater discomfort.

Leadership has its privileges, and its pain.

I wondered about it recently, the source of so much suffering and conflict in the world today.

What is it?

I’ve always been a “Why?” guy.  What is the reason for the outcome we are experiencing?  Why is this happening in the first place?

The intention of all the great religions of humanity is to bring people together, to provide a moral compass, to build community, and to support one another in difficulty.  

The pursuit of a worthy ideal without question.

Capitalism or socialism?  

In one we find the essence of growth, prosperity and equal opportunity, on the other a sense of community, care of our fellow human, and a shared sense of purpose.  

Again, the pursuit of a worthy ideal.

Liberal or conservative.  One seeking individual expression, self-exploration, and unbridled opportunity, the other wishing for shared values, anchoring beliefs, and the notion that there is strength in what has been.

Nothing wrong with such intentions.

Where it all seems to go wrong is when the central driver of such belief systems rests in the notion of power.

What is power?  

Effectively it’s control, control of current and future circumstances.  The notion that when one has power, one can control destiny and outcome.

Why is it important?

Well, that’s when we get to the true “Why” proposition.

Fear of the ultimate outcome. Fear of death.

Neuroscience tells us that the thinking brain grew up after the limbic brain. The limbic brain’s main purpose is to recognize threats, and keep us safe.  

The limbic mind is the prime directive.

Our cognitive mind, the thinking mind, has grown to be capable of overriding the limbic response or reaction, but that requires practice, patience, preparation, and a lot of self-realization.

With all that overwhelms us daily on this planet, all that demands our attention, our cognitive brains can be fooled, overloaded, out whited, and constantly over-thinking.

When that happens, the limbic brain takes over, drives us towards things that we perceive as safe, and so our belief systems, our religions, politics, and philosophies become our protection.

We find power in the notion that we are right and they are wrong, we are better and they are worse, we belong and they do not.

Power is false prophecy.  It’s the notion of control.

If we can control the outcome, maybe we can control the ultimate outcome?

Not happening.

All the richest, the most powerful, the best, the greatest, the wealthiest, they all live and die.  No one has ever controlled that outcome.

Power may provide the powerful with some transient or even sustained belief that they have control, but unfortunately, one day it will be lost.  In the meantime what is the cost?

The cost of isolation, fear mongering, imposition upon another, judgment, and constant comparison.

Power is us versus them, me versus you, one versus another.

Power is always looking behind you, while you pine for what may come.  There is no presence in power, only fear of loss of power.

Can we dispense with power?  Not likely, it has existed since humanity has existed.  Unfortunately it’s part of the nature of being.

So how do we combat this nature?

I would suggest we spend more time on how we live now than what we have or seek to gain in the future.  All we really have is this moment, so how can we actually be in it?

Finding ways to allow our cognitive brains the availability to manage our limbic brains.  Reducing distraction, stress, overwhelm, and fatigue allows our cognitive brain to have a chance.

A chance to see the worthy ideal in our belief systems, and not the power and imposition born of fear.

Can we focus on what we have, not on what we have not?

Presence is true power.  The power to touch, feel, taste, smell, hear, and see are the senses we were blessed with so that we would find value in each moment.

Touch the people you love

Taste the food you cultivate

Smell the air you breath

Hear the sounds all around you

See the incredible views

It all sounds cliche until you actually lean in.  We spend so much time missing the time that passes, hoping for the time that will come. Wishing we were somehow more powerful, so we could control the uncontrollable.

What a waste.

Working in the world of high-performance sports, one of the most crucial elements of the success of a high-performance environment is the level of respect in the room.

Respect is an interesting concept as it carries two sides; how you respect others, and how you respect yourself.

In some instances today, respect is a lost art. As we’ve gotten more and more distracted and influenced by different forms of media we’ve slowly lost a sense of respect for ourselves and for those we interact with every day.

Something as simple as listening attentively to the person you are interacting with, and actively engaging in your conversation is evaporating right before our very eyes these days. People today are more apt to be focused on their phone, or diverted by their phone when something or someone far more important is sending them a message.

I am old enough to remember when the cellular phone became a reality in our lives and I swore then that I would never have one because I was so disappointed in the way it distracted people from the people who were right there in front of them! 

Though I too have become a “user” of the technology, I find myself realizing more often how much it has contributed to my disrespect of those who have chosen my company.  I have become one of them!

Things like opening the door for someone else, waiting your turn for the opportunity to get on a train, or letting someone take their bag off the luggage carousel before you are just simple manifestations of respect that seem to have disappeared from people’s functional vocabulary.

One of the most interesting expressions of self-respect is how you carry yourself, your demeanor, your dress, and even how you walk. It’s fascinating to watch old movies or documentaries and to see how people carried themselves and dressed only 40–50 years ago. 

Men wouldn’t walk out of the house without a collared shirt on, thus the adage blue-collar and white-collar work. 

Women were always well appointed, hair done, dressed well, and never to leave the home unprepared. 

Nowadays people regularly wear sweatpants out on a date qualifying as “Athleisure” wear which it turns out is more than acceptable, even fashionable.

Now I’m not saying we all need to get back to being all buttoned up, but the bottom line here is we’ve been progressing along a slippery slope towards less and less respect for our personal appearance, respect for ourselves, and respect for those around us, and with whom we work.

Respect starts with us, how we carry ourselves, how we treat ourselves, and especially with how we treat others. As goes one of the most fundamental values of every religion in the world, do unto others as you would have done unto you. We’ve begun to lose sight of this fundamental value, slowly being eroded by the entropy of social influence.

We all need to take a moment and take stock of how we carry ourselves. 

Are we taking the time to listen to those with whom we interact? 

Are we being patient with people? 

Are we giving them the benefit of the doubt? Are we practicing empathy and understanding that we don’t really know what has occurred to this person on this day before we interacted with them? 

And if we are distracted by things that in some instances are more important, do we take the time to apologize for being distracted, or do we just expect that people will understand?

Those wonderful words; please, thank you, may I, sorry, these words go a long way in displaying a true sense of respect for our fellow human beings, and even though they take little or no effort to employ, it seems we are less and less apt to use them.

So when you wake up tomorrow, maybe take the time to require yourself that you get ready for your day, bring a sharpness to the way you carry yourself, look people in the eye when you speak with them, take the time to listen to them, and be cordial in the manner in which you speak. 

You might find that these random acts of respect generate reciprocity, and when they don’t, just let it be their loss, not yours!

Respect for ourselves and respect for our fellow human beings is a fundamental premise of human relations, it’s one of those core elements in building a culture of success.

Try it, you might like it 😉