You aren’t always aware of the narrative that circulates in your mind.

Even when the words you say to yourself are internally audible, you’re not likely paying real attention, because if you did you’d likely be disappointed about how not-so-nice you are to yourself.

And you are often not aware of the language you might use in conversation and how it sets the table for how you experience the world around you.

Words like:

Challenge

Difficult

Hard

Impossible

Unlikely

Not bad

Fine

When you use these words in sentences to describe how you feel about something that might or might not happen in the future or to describe what is happening now, you make it so.

You create the outcome before the outcome has occurred.

One of my very favorite books, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, is an important read for just about anyone, and I highly recommend you read it if you never have.

The thrust of the book is to help the reader recognize how everything we know and understand has been driven by the social, cultural, and environmental influences of being human.  

As he describes, the domestication of man/woman.

We believe what we believe because we’ve been told to believe it, or we’ve experienced it.  And even when we have experienced it somehow believing it was what we experienced, we don’t recognize that so much of the experience has been defined by what society told us to expect or understand it to mean.

The four agreements are:

• Be impeccable with your word
• Don’t take anything personally
• Don’t assume anything
• Always do your best

When you really get down to living, and you live by these agreements, a lot of the complicated becomes far more simple.

The first agreement is the table set.  Be impeccable with your words.  Say what you mean.  Use the words both in external interaction, and internal narrative that truly align with your intention.

But even more importantly, understand that the choice of words you use to describe something immediately colors your interpretation, and the interpretation of those with whom you speak.

Perhaps even more importantly, the tone and facial affect in external conversation can literally redefine the words and their intention.

When you say something like, “This is so hard”, and you accompany it with an emphatic tone and a facial expression of difficulty,  you impart the weight of the intention to others, and even more important, you place an exclamation point on the essence of your description.

You make it hard.

Live with that for just a few seconds.  

You make it hard.

It doesn’t mean there is no effort, or that you must not overcome, but saying it is so only serves to make it so.

When you realize that the language you use to describe circumstances, situations, or personal states to yourself or others establishes meaning, you begin to realize you can use language and words that set the table in a manner that empowers rather than limits you.

When someone asks you how it’s going, instead of responding, “Oh, busy!” Take a moment and simply say, “My life is full”.

Said with the right tone and expression and the person across from you experiences your sense of fulfillment.

What’s that you say, then I would be lying…….

If that’s true, that’s an even bigger discussion, one I have covered in previous posts in this blog. But if you are fulfilled and doing many things you love, labeling it “busy” only serves to position it as overwhelming rather than inspiring.

Inspire yourself and others through your language.  Be impeccable with your words.

I hope what I write is valuable, if it is, please take the time to share it.

How many times did you take your car in for an oil change last year?

How many times did you have it cleaned, maybe even detailed?

How many times have you paid extra to have some work done that was needed before the car broke down?

If you’re like most people, you take your car into the shop on a regular basis, you sit in the waiting room waiting to find out what you owe, and you shell out the money, even after you scream “It’s how much?!?!”

But a lot of people seem to have this strange viewpoint around proactive care of their bodies.

They avoid going to the doctor?

They don’t go to see a manual therapist of any kind unless they are in pain?

They cringe at the idea of spending money on a massage, or treatment of some sort.

They don’t invest in the services of a Neuro-Reconditioning professional who can build them a program that will make them more resilient and fit.

They’ll spend hours waiting at an emergency ward when they’re sick as a dog, but won’t spend a quarter of that time waiting at their own doctor’s office for a check up!

Early detection has been proven to cut a lot of pathology off at the pass, and make some things that used to kill us, very treatable!

But the only way to detect early is to get in the habit of being examined.

In my personal Neuro-Reconditioning practice, I have so many people say to me; “I only wish I’d met you ten years ago”.

Because we sort so many movement dysfunctions out, get them moving better, and all of a sudden they are performing better, and they are injured less often and for less time.

I often say to them, “If you met me ten years ago, you probably wouldn’t have done what I told you to do”.

Truth is, people are averse to putting in the work until they reach a point where sickness or injury are getting in the way.

Unfortunate really!

So what should we be doing regularly anyway?

A Yearly Check Up with Your Physician

Every year, get in to see your doctor, discuss how you are feeling, have your BP checked, blood chemistry, and let them send you for any tests they think you should have based on preventative care recommendations.

It’s that easy! Most of this stuff is covered by personal insurance or government healthcare, but even if it isn’t, what did you spend on your car last year please?

See a Good Manual or Massage Therapist Once a Month

Making sure your body is in alignment, keeping things moving pain free, and clearing the limiting factors can make a huge difference in your day-to-day movement. It also keeps the bigger issues at bay.

What’s that? It costs $100 to go see a therapist, maybe more, maybe less?

How much does an oil change cost?

Do 20 Minutes of Exercise Three Times a Week

That’s all you need to do to get the beneficial effects of exercise when it comes to heart disease and stroke.

Just get out and do something three times a week for 20 minutes that raises your heart and breathing rate to a level where you struggle to have a consistent conversation.

More exercise than that, or harder exercise than that is great, but when you’re doing it, it’s all about your fitness goals.

What do you want to accomplish?

If you want to move more efficiently, feel more mobile, and perform at your best, then spend more time with a qualified training professional.

But if your goal is simply to increase longevity and quality of life, just get those three little sessions in a week!

Buy A Scale and Weigh Yourself Regularly

Yes, you read the correct heading.

If you weigh yourself regularly, you are more likely to do something about the occasional rise in the number.

But if you never weigh yourself until that trip to the doctor’s office, well, now you have even more reasons not to go!

Being overweight, especially getting close to obesity (which some 60% of the population is considered to be these days!) is a huge health risk.

So monitoring your weight, and managing your weight are very effective ways of staving off pain and suffering down the line.

Eat Good Quality Food

Some people are filling their gas tanks 2–3 times a week to the tune of $200–300, but won’t spend that on groceries because they’re too expensive.

Instead, we buy processed foods, quick low quality snacks, fast food, and junk food to solve the energy demands.

That’s like filling your car with gas that has sand in it!

Eventually the motor is going to seize and your car is going to be useless, and eventually your body is going to crash and you will be in a very dark place.

Eat more real food. Cook for yourself. Stop buying stuff that’s already made for you.

There is just so much to be gained through good quality food and so much to be lost through eating crap!

Take better care of yourself than you do your car, that’s just the minimum you should be doing.

KISS Principles are key.

There are three forms of currency we use every day in our lives, one of them is limited, one requires constant consideration and monitoring, and the other has no limits.

The one we often think of as being limited is money. We only have so much, we have to earn it, if we don’t have it we get stressed, and if we need it we become desperate.

But when you think about it, it is truly limitless.

There is no effective limitation to the possibilities of how much money we can have or accumulate.

You may not believe this if you don’t have a lot of it, but listen to this and hear it.

Money is not your problem, how you manage time and energy is your real problem.

These other two forms of currency are far less abundant, and yet we spend far less consideration on how we manage them.

Time is functionally restricted.

We all have 24 hours in each day, we all get 365 days in a year, and depending on our life span if we’re lucky enough to live to a ripe old age of 90 or 100, we will have roughly 40–45 million minutes on this earth to live out all our dreams and aspirations.

Oh ya, and if you spend 6–8 hours sleeping each night, which we all need to do, you can cut that number down to roughly 30 million minutes of productive time.

Energy, the third currency, is like a gas tank, there is a certain amount available to us each day, and we need to manage it, we need to re-fill it each day with nutrients, sleep, rest, etc. But we generally only have so much.

Ultimately, it is this over-fixation of acquiring the first currency that eats up our available time and energy. So we need to become far more considerate of how we use these more limited commodities in our lives.

So the first thing you need to do is to understand where you are bleeding time and energy so you need to time audit your day.

For at least three to five days, write down in a log either by hand or in an EXCEL file, what you did for the last hour through all your waking hours.

Once you have this data, look for the dead spots (watching TV or spending time surfing social media), the spinning wheels spots (when you appear to be doing things, but are really achieving nothing valuable), the circle back spots (where you keep revisiting the same problems or stuff and you are not being productive) and the energy out elements (when you are doing stuff you hate doing).

I bet you dollars to donuts that you will find that when you do this, you will be spending much more of your time doing a lot of the stuff in that last paragraph rather than being productive, enjoying energy in the elements, and recovering your energy so you can come back and do more when you need to do more.

Once you have a handle on how you are using your time, the second thing you need to do is take a longer look at where you are spending your energy.

There are things you are passionate about doing, they make you feel energized, sometimes you walk away from them (which can be hard to do) feeling like you are on cloud nine. These are energy IN elements of your life.

Take out a sheet of paper, or make an EXCEL document again and create a left column and a right-hand column.

What are your energy in elements? List them in that left-hand column.

Now list your energy OUT elements in the right-hand column.

Look at it for a while.

Digest how much of your life you spend doing things on the right-hand column, and how much of your life you spend doing things on the left-hand column.

Scary isn’t it? Shocking!

We all spend far too much of our precious currencies wastefully or inaccurately.

So the third thing you need to do is reconstruct your day so that you are wasting less time.

Get rid of the time wasters, or position them and understand their role in your day.

For example; if you want to watch TV, try to determine an amount of time for your indulgence, and choose programming that is positively affecting you. If you come away from the show motivated, uplifted, and rested, then keep it in your day, but if it’s only serving to increase your blood pressure (the news of the day!!) or leaves you disturbed or stressed, then get it out of your play list.

The fourth thing you need to do is maximize energy IN elements and begin to remove, allocate, or authorize others to take care of those things for you. If you hate cleaning the house, then see what a house cleaner will cost you. If you don’t like doing business bookkeeping, look for a bookkeeper.

What’s that, you say, you can’t afford them? Is it that you can’t afford them, or you haven’t prioritized these costs so they open up time and energy flows for you?

Craft your day, own the time you spend, and pump it full of energy IN essentials.

Finally, the last thing you need to do is to take stock regularly and review how you are doing with your schedule and your elimination of energy OUT, and injection of energy IN.

• Plan IT
• Execute IT
• Review IT
• Revise IT
• Run IT again
• And be consistent!

These five things, if really considered thoughtfully, and constructed with you in mind, will yield huge results, and you will be amazed how much the first currency will appear to rise in your bank account! Give it a try!

P.S. There might be someone out there who you think this post can help, please consider sharing this with them so we can all reach higher! 

My mom always told me that when my friends were coming over, it was really important that I share my toys. How could I expect people to share with me if I didn’t share with them?

The fine lesson of setting an example from mom, so true!

As I grew older I realized that sharing doesn’t always come naturally to everyone, it is certainly a learned phenomenon. One that our parents all likely tried to instill in us early on, but didn’t always succeed!

There are three things we should be willing to share without compromise with the people in our lives. If we do so, we will live a far more fulfilling and rewarding life.

The first share is love.

We set out on a course in our lives from the beginning that should include a great deal of love. Our parents love us unconditionally, right?

Not always.

A lot of people, for whatever reason, have children for the wrong reasons and start their relationship with their children on the wrong foot. Their unhappiness becomes the focal point of their child’s unhappiness.

Love is withheld. The child suffers.

No child should ever suffer from a lack of love. Love is our emotional fuel, without it, we remain deeply unfulfilled.

But let’s assume for now that we start life at least, with a good dose of love from mom and dad and the rest of our family (hopefully!).

From then on in, love is a crapshoot. We connect with people as we roll along, hopefully falling in love as we roll through a few early relationships.

Unfortunately, every break up causes us to withhold a little bit of ourselves the next time we connect, and after several failed relationships, we lose sight of the intention.

Our love is a reciprocal gift.

The first law of thermodynamics, also known as Law of Conservation of Energy, states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed; energy can only be transferred or changed from one form to another.

Our love is a form of energy.

So it is within us to share it, to give it to someone else so that it can be converted by another person into something that feeds their soul.

Newton’s Third Law of Motion states, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” The simplified version of this phenomenon has been expressed as, “You cannot touch without being touched.”

What we give to someone else will be reciprocated in equal measure, but it is in this phenomenon that we lose trust. We hold back the depth of our love, protecting what we believe is our core energy, concerned that it will not be reciprocated, or worse, it may be taken advantage of by the other person.

This only results in a lesser expression of love on their part, a “hedging of bets” so to speak.

The result is an unfulfilled life.

We must love whole-heartedly, unconcerned by the “what if they don’t love me back?” Or “what if they take advantage of me?” questions. These questions only cause us to withhold further, and the cycle of less energy in, less energy back is perpetuated.

Share your love, for when you share it unconditionally, the love that you will feel will be positively overwhelming.

The second share is your knowledge.

Too many people learn how to do things or create success, but decide not to share it with the community at large. The assumption being that if they share, then they won’t stand out, and their success will somehow be diminished.

In reality, when you share your knowledge the return equation becomes exponential!

If you share your knowledge, those around you will in turn share their knowledge or contribute to your further understanding. 

One of the most powerful ways of better understanding subject matter is to actually teach it and entertain questions afterwards. You gotta know it!

The simple act of sharing forces you to clarify, be clear and concise, and be ready to receive feedback.  Not always easy, but the ROI is immense.

Share your knowledge and you will be a brighter mind.

Finally, share your wisdom.

There is nothing more valuable for a younger person than the perspective of an older more seasoned veteran.

Perspective is a hard thing to have if you haven’t experienced something, and though we should all experience many things in life, sometimes it is a good thing to have the advise of a wise person on which to base our decisions.

As we age, it is our duty to guide, to provide direction, and to save some others a little time, energy, and stress by simply opening our vault of experience.

When we share with others, we grow deeply.

When we share we experience a true sense of legacy, and we leave our imprint on the world. 

We leave the world a better place.

I encourage you to share and to leave your world in a better place.

P.S. If you enjoyed it, please share it 😉

The expectation of what lies at the end of the rainbow is always what trips you up.

Expectation and all the baggage that is attached to expectation is a big driver of unhappiness and disenchantment in the world today.

Expectation drives impatience, supports an undercurrent of “what if”, and quite often leaves you empty.

I asked a friend of mine who is a mother of four how she handles all the comings and goings of every day, the chaos that is likely her life.

Her answer: “I have no expectations”

If you have no expectations, you suffer no disappointment, and in some ways no over the top elation either. You remain neutral to the high-high’s and the low-low’s.

Neutral? 

What does that mean, you don’t feel anything and so therefore you will be happy?

Neutral doesn’t mean you don’t feel things, it just means you don’t get attached to those feelings.

The immediate sensation of elation when something good happens to you, or that sense of immediate disappointment because something went wrong is normal.

But if you have a deep sense of expectation for a result and when that result doesn’t occur, your whole demeanour changes and you find yourself in a funk, then you’ve attached too much to the outcome, and not enough on the process.

This is called object reference. Being attached to the outcome or object of your desire.

It’s the same even if it’s a positive result.

Yes, be happy you won the game, or finished the project, or had a great date, but attaching future expectations to these results doesn’t serve you. Neither do over the top celebrations that leave you feeling empty the next day.

Instead of being attached to the outcome and having specific expectations of that outcome, good or bad, simply connect more with the process of reaching the intended outcome or objective.

If you just focus on the beauty of the rainbow, and not on the “treasure” at the end of the rainbow, you will in turn enjoy the rainbow for what it is, a beautiful separation of light.

This post is not just for men!

In fact I would say that both men and women should read it as the perspective might give worthy pause for consideration.

All men grow up with a chip on their shoulder, put there by their father’s and their father’s father, and put there by society at large.

You don’t feel, you do.

Your job is to work and to provide, not to connect with your feelings, or to be vulnerable.
Suck it up son, you’re not injured!

Get up, get up!

Don’t cry, why are you crying?!

What are you going to do for a living, how are you going to provide for your family?

Stop being lazy and get after it!

We watched our dad’s work their tails off, and they watched their dad’s work their tails off, and we never saw them show their soft underbelly.

The real soft underbelly.

Ya, they might have laughed and joked, roared with laughter over a good story.

They might even have been the life of the party, back-slapping, high fiving, and making everyone in the room smile.

But you never really saw them wounded or sad.

You saw them angry and frustrated, maybe for some even more than the expression of the mood, the outward punishment from those moods.

Maybe you or someone in your family suffered the wrath.

Be a manly man, no time for a woos in this world!

As men we live our lives with an understanding that to embrace our emotional center is somehow a weakness, never to be seen by anyone, not even those we love. For if we do, we risk being taken advantage of, our value lessened, our ability to succeed somehow tarnished.

So when we become fathers, we struggle with the opportunity to emotionally connect with our child.

We love them, of course we do. But showing it is not a naturally understood reality.

Having little girls perhaps softens us up, forces us to connect with a side we’ve never understood, which in some ways can be even more confusing.

Having little boys, well here we go, a chance to perpetuate the story. The story of manliness!

Grow up, get a job, make a living, take care of your people, they are your responsibility.

The truth is, you can still be a man, and be a great dad.

It’s true!

How you say?

Here are ten things you need to do every day that will help you be the best man and the best father possible.

1 — Understand that unless YOU are good to you, you can’t be good for anyone else.

Being a martyr, sucking it up, dealing with your pain only ends up making you sick. Sickness manifests in many ways.

• We carry more weight

• We sleep poorly

• We eat poorly

• We get tired easily

• We are exhausted each day

• We can’t get out of bed

• We become less active

• We feel like shit!

• We kick our dog!

Then real disease starts to appear, heart disease, cancer, diabetes, all sorts of lovely stuff.

If you are sick, you can’t be your best for others, you might try, you might get the job done, but it will be nothing like what you can really bring to the table day in and day out.

Treat yourself with care and consideration first and foremost. It’s the number one rule!

2 — Let your partner know what scares you.

When you let your partner know you are human, they begin to see you as human, not indestructible. In turn, they will begin to consider how their behaviour or energy supports you.

If they don’t know, they won’t likely read your mind.

If they know, they can help you move through your fear, they can help you get to the other side. No matter what you believe, they won’t see it as weakness, they’ll see it as vulnerability, and they’ll cherish it.

If they don’t, well they shouldn’t be your partner in the first place. Really!

3 — Being vulnerable doesn’t mean you can’t be tough when necessary.

I worked for eleven seasons in the National Hockey League (NHL) and it was a funny irony that the nicest, sweetest, most vulnerable people were often the tough guys.

Yep, the tough guys had soft centers!

Perhaps because they knew they could handle themselves, they were more comfortable with not having to be tough all the time.

I’ve seen the same thing in meeting many MMA fighters, and boxers. They are often very good-natured people, and often the most connected father’s that I’ve seen.

4 — The shield you carry to manage the war of each day in business and life must be placed on the floor upon your arrival home.

When you walk in the front door to your home, understand that your home is your sanctuary. Your family is your safe place, not a place to shut down, but a place to share your life. Let your family in on what’s been going on in your world, good and bad.

Yes, we don’t have to give all the gory details and scare our kids when things are maybe not going so well, but we also don’t have to slog it out day after day, coming home with a frown on our face, and hoping no one is noticing.

Even though they are all scared shitless of asking!

The more honest and up front you are about the good and bad of life, the more they will be prepared for the life they will one day live, and the more human they will know you are, leading to greater empathy and kindness on their part for you.

5 — Treat your family better than you treat your best client!

A lot of men think (and this is true of women as well) that their family should just put up with their shit. 

They should just understand. They treat their family way worse than they would treat their worst client.

Instead, we should all be treating our family better than anyone else in our lives.

Yes, they should and will be there for you, but that means you need to honor that unconditional love, not expect it!

6 — Always treat your partner with the greatest level of respect, especially in front of your children.

You are a beacon.

You are an example for your children.

How they see you treat your partner will be how they treat their partner. They will seek out partners that emulate the behaviours of their parents, and if you have set an amazing example, they will in turn expect to be treated in the same way.

When you set a poor example, your children’s choices are going to be a crap-shoot you will in turn be required to watch!

7 — Set an example in front of your friends!

Too many guys like to pull out the machismo badge when their friends are around. They want to appear to be large and in charge, as though their partners and children are servants to their cause.

We all know its bullshit, so drop the façade and be a good partner and father in front of your friends, set an example. By setting an example, you in turn move the tone and character of the moment towards kindness and honesty.

8 — Know who your good friends really are, and don’t be afraid to tell them you love them!

Men seldom confide in one another that they love each other. The weight of life each day requires the support of our peers. We can’t get through life without the love of our parents, our family, our partners, AND our friends.

Why is it ok to share your love with your family, but not ok to do it with your friends?

Let them know how much they matter, you’ll be surprised how often it is reciprocated in kind.

9 — Tell your kids you love them all the time!

This would seem to be the easiest rule to follow, but for some reason lots of fathers rarely say the words “I love you” to their kids.

Say it, because you know you feel it. Say what you feel, it really isn’t that difficult, we just need to make it so!

10 — Give your kids hugs, hugs and more hugs!

Along with the last rule, tell them you love them, this one is just as important.

You can tell them, but if you don’t embrace them and make them feel your deepest connection, they might not believe you!

Hugs are the essence of love!

Manliness and fatherhood are one, be good in both.

P.S. If you loved this post please take the time to share it with someone who will be moved to do better. Thank you 😉

A mentor of mine once provided me with this powerful metaphor.

A man jumps into his canoe and begins to paddle toward the other side of the lake.  After a little while he realizes he’s not going anywhere. 

So he begins to paddle more forcefully, digging into each stroke, expecting that the rise in intensity will move him more rapidly.

But nothing changes.

So he begins to pick up his pace, turning over each stroke faster and faster, again, believing that with the increased rate, he would see a real change.

But nothing seems to change his progress, he remains the same distance from the opposite shoreline.

Perplexed, he looks behind him, only to realize that in his haste to get to the other side, he had forgotten to release the rope that held his canoe fastened to the dock!

The rope and his lack of recognition of its constraint on his boat is the metaphor for not recognizing or acknowledging his limiting beliefs.

In the many years I’ve spent helping some of the best athletes in the world achieve their objectives, I’ve noticed that the one thing that is most often in their way is not their opponent, but their own limiting beliefs.

Your mindset and the limiting beliefs you hold near to you are most often the things that stop you from achieving the things that matter.

No one is immune to this reality.

If you don’t recognize these limiting beliefs are there, constantly defining your perception and experiences, you are literally remaining unknowingly constrained by the rope.

Like most people, you likely have these “characters” inside you that are always talking to you and telling you what is and is not possible. Telling you that you aren’t good enough to make something you want to accomplish actually happen.

The best thing you can do to allow yourself to thrive instead of survive in this world is to take the time to identify your limiting beliefs, accept that you have them, and become more aware of when they are stopping you from reaching new heights.

Acceptance that you have limiting beliefs is the first step.

If you’re shaking your head and saying something like, “Nothing is getting in my way, I’m fine.” Then you are either not being truthful, or you’ve done a lot of personal development work already, and you likely stopped reading a while ago.

So, I’m going to assume you are the prior, and you can keep telling yourself that story, but just realize that your language, what you say to yourself every day, is what you come to believe as the truth.

Becoming more aware of your internal narrative, and what you keep telling yourself is an essential element in moving to a more serving language.  An internal dialogue that inspires you rather than holds you back.

How do you become more aware you might ask?

You journal.

Journal daily, at least once a day, and in that journal, listen to your inner voice and write down the things you continue to tell yourself.

Don’t like writing in a journal? 

Then voice record it.

Listen to those negative conversations that you wouldn’t have with someone you love, but you will have no trouble saying to yourself.

As you become more aware of those conversations, you can start to name those “characters” in your daily conversations. 

Characters like Judging Jerry or Judy who likes to come out and judge everything you do (oh, that was so stupid, how could you do that, why did it take you so long, why did you eat that? Etc, etc.). Or Comparative Carl or Karen who loves to come out when you see others doing well, or better than you!

As you become more aware of these characters, you will begin to realize how often they are in your life, and you can begin to shut them down. When you hear them start to talk, you can use strategies to re-direct your conversations and trigger more productive thoughts.

One such strategy is to take a moment and breathe. When you hear these conversations ramping up, your blood pressure begins to rise. 

Stop!

Take five long slow deep breaths, and shut down your negative thoughts, instead focusing on your breath.

As you become more aware of the comings and goings of your limiting beliefs, as you begin to shut down the negative conversations, you will begin to adapt, to create new pathways of thought that are more positive in nature and more aligned with who you wish to be.

However, this does not just happen naturally, you need to prepare the soil for the seed, and that means that you’ve been journaling consistently, learning about your limiting beliefs, shutting them down, and inserting new more powerful belief systems.

With greater awareness comes greater accountability. 

You become accountable to your language, accountable that the limiting beliefs ARE what is holding you back, and as you become more accountable you can further set these limiting beliefs aside and adapt to a new normal.

A new normal where telling yourself you can’t do it is no longer front and centre. Where telling yourself you can and will do becomes the beacon for your deepest intentions.

• Acceptance
• Awareness
• Accountability
• Adaptation

These are the four steps you want to travel through in order to re-set your belief system and own a new narrative that sees you achieving your intentions instead of being constrained by your limiting beliefs.

The key to all of this is the consistency of the task. 

Journaling daily, listening to your inner language, changing the tide, setting your intentions for each day, and counting your wins when the day is done.

If you follow this path, you will no longer be fixed to the dock, you will be challenging open water with no limit to what you can accomplish!

I hope this serves.

If you like this piece please take the time to share it with your community. Many thanks for reading and all the best in your life.

If you’ve been in the world of human performance for a while you’ve likely been lucky enough to witness some amazing achievements in life and sport.

If you’re still young and developing a practice, you will indeed begin to see some incredible things.

Training and repairing people who want to achieve new heights has been a part of my professional life, and throughout my experiences, I’ve used every possible tool and approach in my repertoire in order to create the right solutions for the clients I serve.

Through your own experience, you might have noticed the following habit many practitioners apply that limits the possibility of creating unique solutions or opportunities for their clients.

People like to put things in boxes. 

People like to categorize and constrain.

In the health and fitness industry today you see so much categorization, so many labeled trends or systems, and the approach or solution to any one person’s objectives is defined through a particular trend, fad, or system rather than a unique combination of approaches.

This is something humanity has done forever, each time a new concept, service, or material item has been created, we’ve established where it fits, what it feels like, sounds like, is perceived like and then we put it in that box.

Music is a classic example of this desire to categorize: Classic, Jazz, Blues, Folk, Rhythm and Blues, Country, Hip-hop, Rap, Rock, Metal, Alternative, Disco….and the list goes on and on.

The ability to categorize gives rise to the ability to compare and contrast and establish leaders and followers, those that are on the rise and those that are on the fall. 

A music category allows the listener to associate an identity with the sound or the genre to which they connect. You can “feel” others that listen to that type of music, and be connected to a tribe or group of fans or followers of that type of music or artist. 

It gives it meaning in our lives and gives us meaning.

However, it’s in that dogmatic definition or label that we create all the pain and suffering we see today in our society. 

We establish the category or label, we define what it means, and in some instances, we even define what the person who would do, use, or like that item or element would look, be, or behave like. 

This leads us down the slippery slope of judgment.

You listen to this type of music, therefore you are this type of person, therefore you will have this set of morals or values, therefore we will judge you and place you in a box called “X” and sometimes that box is judged good, and sometimes it is judged bad, again, a way of categorizing something!

In the health and wellness world today (in and of itself a category) we do that as well. 

Types of training, bodybuilding, Cross-fitting, HIIT training, aerobics classes, powerlifting, yoga, Pilates, Olympic lifting. These are all examples of trends or systems in training and they all are born of various concepts and fundamentals. 
Ultimately it’s the fundamental properties of these things that you need to understand so that you can create the results you are trying to achieve.

The same goes for the sports medicine and therapy industry; soft tissue work, manual therapy, stretching, mobility work, modalities, ART, MAT, FRC, FST, FMS, DNS, and the list goes on, many of which are sold as THE solution to ALL problems.

The truth is, no one system of practice, technique, or protocol fits every problem.

Just like in music, you need to understand the fundamentals of music, how sound behaves, and is produced, and how you can manipulate it, then you can make sound behave so it creates what your ears perceive as music.

When you train people or treat people, you need to understand the varying methods of practice in varying combinations that suit your “listening style” and allow you to flourish most effectively and create the most effective outcomes for your clients.

You don’t need dogmatic application of trends or systems, you need to establish what combination of ingredients will create your unique success or the success of those with whom you work.

Don’t box yourself into one method or one way; explore all the possible combinations and permutations to create a unique solution!

Be open to the possibilities.

Having experienced all sorts of performance cultures in my life in business, in organizations, and even in families, I’ve taken note of the things that really destroy or inhibit the development of good culture.

Good culture is the foundation of success, without it, people wither like the leaves on a drought challenged plant.

Poor culture sucks the life out of the people in it, and good culture feeds their soul.

I recently posted on the subject of the ingredients of great culture (See my blog from April 10th) and I thought for a second that although those things sometimes seem logical, they aren’t always done well.

In the same way, some things that would seem counter-intuitive to the creation of good culture are done spectacularly well with very little effort, and incredibly detrimental results.

The accidental destruction or inhibition of culture occurs daily in environments throughout the world. People just aren’t always aware of some of the simple mistakes they make and how they slowly and insidiously spoil the roots of the cultural flower.

There are five culture spoilers I’ve observed time and time again, that with very simple efforts can be avoided and in so doing, eliminate the limits of cultural growth.

Expectations Unsaid

One of the biggest culture killers is murky, or unclear expectation.

Often people who run businesses or organizations got to this place of leadership because they were good at setting their own expectations, creating their own set of benchmarks. They intuitively know how to set and reach objectives, and in turn revise and re-establish these objectives, constantly recreating themselves, and their role in the process.

However, and this is the big conundrum, they aren’t always so good at imparting these skills upon those who work for them or that they mentor. They are good at doing, but not so good a teaching and coaching.

Not everyone is good at clearly establishing the expectations of their role in an organization, or feeling comfortable with being autonomous in defining their path.

The role of a good leader or a parent for that matter is to clearly establish and communicate the expectations they have for their team members or their children.

When things are left to assumption or interpretation based on personal perspective, then things get very murky, and people become listless, lost, or ineffective.

Culture becomes fractured.

Too Many Policies and Procedures

In opposition to a lack of expectations is the over-bearing establishment of policies and procedures. The reaction in some organizations to the need for clarity of expectations is to enact a whole bunch of policy and procedure items for people to follow so they can’t screw things up.

Granted, in some instances clarity of policy, and the procedures that must be followed to support such policy can be extremely effective and necessary. An example like the submission of time sensitive documentation to support payroll or contractual payment is one that comes to mind in a small or large business or organization.

But quite often policy and procedure becomes the way of leadership to off-load the responsibility of leadership. Leadership requires setting an example, and holding people accountable to expectations, expectations that have been clarified through conversation and ongoing communication.

You can’t P+P culture, culture is an intangible creation based on positive and exemplary leadership, period!

Judgement

Judgment kills mojo. It’s human nature to get mired in personal negative self-talk. We love to beat ourselves up, to judge ourselves, and our favourite deflective strategy to counterbalance negative self-talk is to shit on other people.

What better way of making yourself feel good than to tell yourself, and everyone else for that matter, that so and so is messing up, its so and so’s fault, they made the mistake, they don’t know what they are doing.

The worst example of this behaviour is when leadership blames or judges those around them for their mistakes or the company’s failures.

The bottom line is that if you are in charge of something, the buck stops at you. If someone you are leading makes a mistake, it’s your mistake. You have to own the mistakes because you chose to be a in a place of leadership and as such, you set the expectations (please see above!) and if those expectations aren’t met, you own the problem.

Judgment has no place in a culture of performance. Instead, we need empathy, mentorship, learning, room for failure, and opportunity to redeem.

Fear of Retribution

The dark side of judgement is retribution.

When we go beyond simple judgement and now we cut a swath out of those in error, we leave them feeling gutted. The pain of the mistake leaves a scar that challenges future decision-making, tempers risk taking, and limits opportunistic thought.

If I am worried about “what if” I will never make the best decision, I will make the safe decision, and the weight of possible retribution can be enough to stagnate any innovative practice.

Without innovative practice, risk taking, or opportunistic thought, environments become stagnant and unchallenging. People become bored, or simply lost in the day to day.

Fear of retribution destroys culture.

In the game of football, the playbook is the bible that guides all decision-making. What to do and when, who goes where, and the plan of action to beat the opposition.

A playbook in life is a thorough plan of action to achieve your intentions.

How do we build one?

Build a Future Vision

First up, we look down the line a few years and think about what we want our life to look like. Not how we are going to get there, but what we want life to be like, and more important, how we want it to feel!

This takes a little dreaming, a little faith in the process of visualizing something beyond your current state.

If you’re having trouble seeing what you want life to look like, then try the reverse approach, what don’t you want your life to look like?

What are you doing now, or living now that you don’t want to do or live?

If you can put a thumb on what you don’t like about your life, it will often help you clear a little bit of the muck off the windshield of life, and see a little more clearly.

Spend a little time on what you want life to feel and look like, as this becomes the end game of the playbook.

Now, most of the time, it’s best to do this in 2–3 year increments as it’s tough sometimes to see too far down the road.

Year One, Two, Three

So now that you have a vision of what you want life to look and feel like in three years, then you need to walk back and create a set of benchmarks for each year. What do you want life to look and feel like at the end of year two, and so on for year one so you are essentially progressing towards the finished product of year three.